Left (Win).
心こそ雲井はるかにあくがれめ眺めも誘ふ廣澤の月
| kokoro koso kumoi harukani akugareme nagame mo sasou hirosawa no tsuki |
My heart To the distant heavens Is drawn Pulled in by the sight Of the moon at Hirosawa. |
413
Right.
月の澄む空は外にも變らじを眼に餘る廣澤の影
| tsuki no sumu sora wa yoso ni mo kawaraji wo manako ni amaru hirosawa no kage |
The moon, so clearly lodged Within the skies, distant yet Unchanging: The sight can never sate my eyes Light on Hirosawa. |
414
The Right complain that in the Left’s poem the phrase ‘moon at Hirosawa’ (hirosawa no tsuki) is ‘grating on the ear’. The Left respond that ‘The sight can never sate my eyes light on Hirosawa’ (manako ni amaru hirosawa no kage) in the Right’s poem is, too.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘moon at Hirosawa’, I do not feel to be grating. What sort of expression, though is ‘pulled in by the sight’ (nagame mo sasou)? The Right is reminiscent of expressions like ‘all four corners of the world do not exhaust my gaze’, which when one hear’s them in Chinese poetry are remarkable, but sound wrong in a Japanese poem, and are even incomprehensible! ‘The moon at Hirosawa’ is, perhaps, more interesting. Thus, the Left wins.