Left (Win)
さらぬだに身にしむ夜はの笛の音を憂き人ゆへに聞き明かしつる
| saranu dani mi ni shimu yowa no fue no ne o ukibito yue ni kiki akashitsuru |
Even were I not so in love, On a night that chills the soul The strains of a flute For that cruel one Drift to me ‘til the dawn… |
Lord Kanemune
1085
Right
我ゆへに思はぬ夜はの笛の音も藻に棲む虫と袖は濡れけり
| ware yue ni omowanu yowa no fue no ne mo mo ni sumu mushi to sode wa nurekeri |
For my sake I did not think this night The flute’s strains – A shrimp among the seaweed – Soak the sleeves. |
Jakuren
1086
The Right state: the Left’s poem is overly lacking in thought. The Left state: no faults.
In judgement: the Left has ‘for that cruel one’ (ukibito yue ni) – does this mean perhaps that one is unable to sleep as a result of someone’s cruelty? The reference to ‘a shrimp among the seaweed’ (mo ni sumu mushi) in the Right’s latter section feels overly abrupt and sounds lacking in connection to anything else in the poem. ‘That cruel one’ sounds somewhat insufficient, but it certainly has no faults. Thus, the Left wins.