Left (Tie)
すみよしのきしうつなみにてる月はこかげもあかしまつのむらだち
| sumiyoshi no kishi utsu nami ni teru tsuki wa kokage mo akashi matsu no muradachi | At Sumiyoshi Upon the waves, striking the shore, Shines the moon— The shadows of the trees are bright Among the crowding pines. |
Chūnagon, in service to the Former Ise Virgin[1]
45
Right
としふりてかみさびにけるすみのえのきしのたまもをみがく月かげ
| toshi furite kamisabinikeru suminoe no kishi no tamamo o migaku tsukikage | Ancient in years is The dread Suminoe Shore, where gemweed Is polished by the moonlight. |
Novice Sokaku[2]
46
The Left’s poem has a truly charming conception, with ‘Upon the waves, striking the shore, / Shines the moon’ reflecting and making the pines’ shadows shine. However, what are we to make of the use of ‘bright’ here? My late master once stated that he had too often heard such diction being used. The poem of the right appears to have pleasant configuration and diction, but, while it is only natural to say that the Suminoe’s shore is dread, I wonder about the appropriateness of going so far as to say that gemweed is? It’s going a bit far, I think, to bring in ‘gemweed’ simply to link it to ‘polish’. Nevertheless, the configuration of the poem appears pleasant, so I call this a tie.
[1] Zen-saigū no Chūnagon前斎宮中納言
[2] Shami Sokaku沙弥素覚