Left (Win)
からあひの八入の衣色深くなどあながちにつらき心ぞ
| kara’ai no yashio no koromo iro fukaku nado anagachi ni tsuraki kokoro zo |
Deepest indigo Dipped many times, my robe’s Hue is dark, indeed; Why, with such heartless Cruelty am I treated… |
Lord Suetsune
1127
Right
衣衣にうつりし色はあだなれど心ぞ深き忍ぶもぢずり
| kinuginu ni utsurishi iro wa ada naredo kokoro zo fukaki shinobu mojizuri |
My robe’s Hues have shifted; Faithless is she, yet My heart’s depths Are stained with fern-patterned longing… |
Lord Takanobu
1128
The Right state: we wonder whether ‘deepest indigo dipped many times’ (kara’ai no yashio) should not be scarlet. How dark would the colour be then? In response: there is no possibility of interpreting this as scarlet. We have used deep indigo, so what is there to criticise in then using dark? The Left state: while we understand the conception of the poem, we feel the expression is somewhat lacking. ‘My heart’s depths are stained with secret longing’ (kokoro zo fukaki shinobu mojizuri) does not link well with the initial part of the poem.
In judgement: the Left’s initial ‘deepest indigo’ (kara’ai) certainly sounds elegant, and there is no reason to make it scarlet. I also see no reason to fault the use of dark, either. As for the Right, it does not sound as if ‘stained with fern-patterned longing’ (shinobu mojizuri) links with the remainder of the poem – from the beginning to ‘my heart’s depths’ (kokoro zo fukaki). The final ‘stained with fern-patterned longing’ seems to appear abruptly. Deepest indigo should win.