Left (Win).
冬ごもる賤の妻木に事添ひて風も折ける嶺の椎柴
| fuyugomoru shizu no tsumaki ni koto soite kaze mo orikeru mine no shiishiba |
Hemmed in by winter, Woodsmen make kindling, Just as The wind, too, does break The brushwood on the peak. |
569
Right.
冬寒み椎の眞柴を折鎖せど宿には風もたまらざりけり
| fuyu samumi shii no mashiba o orisasedo yado ni wa kaze mo tamarazarikeri |
In winter’s chill Evergreen brushwood I break to stop my door, yet My dwelling the wind Does naught to stop… |
570
The Right wonder about the use of ‘just as’ (koto soite). The Left merely state that the Right’s poem is ‘commonplace’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: In the Left’s poem, should it not be ‘to the woodsmen’s kindling/add, will you?’ (shizu no tsumaki ni/soeyo to ya)? Using ‘just as’ (koto soite) does not seem a suitable expression in that it sounds somewhat pompous [yōyōshiku kikoyuru hodo]. As for the Right’s poem, ‘in winter’s chill’ (fuyu samumi) is an ordinary expression. ‘I break to stop my door, yet’ (orisasedo), too, lacks strong feeling. The final section of the Left’s poem, though, sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kokoyu]. It should win.