Left (Win).
はかなしや荒れたる宿のうたゝ寢に稲妻通ふ手枕の露
| hakanashi ya aretaru yado no utatane ni inazuma kayou tamakura no tsuyu |
How brief it was! In a ruined dwelling Dozing, when Lightning crossed The dewdrops on my pillowing arm… |
333
Right.
すだき來し澤の螢は影消てたえだえ宿る宵の稲妻
| sudakikoshi sawa no hotaru wa kage kiete taedae yadoru yoi no inazuma |
All together have The fireflies above the marsh Lost their light; Briefly remaining, Lightning at the dusk… |
334
The Right state that they have no criticisms of the Left’s poem. The Left wonder about the suitability of fireflies disappearing in the autumn.
Shunzei feels, ‘The Left’s poem is certainly charming in form and expression, but more thought should have been given to the initial phrase “How brief it was!” (hakanashi ya). The Right’s poem, too, is charming, and as for fireflies being a topic for summer poetry alone, in autumn it is acceptable to compose on the failing of their light, is it not? Did not Anjin compose “Fireflies flashing on the palace stairs and gates/Crickets crying from the eaves and tiles”? There is also the example from the Collection of Songs to Sing Aloud of “Seeking cuckoo calls in the dawntime clouds/Innumerable fireflies flit among the autumn grasses”. Still, the Left’s “dewdrops on my pillowing arm” wins, I think.’