Left (Win).
末遠き若葉の芝生うちなびき雲雀鳴野の春の夕暮
| sue tōki wakaba no shibafu uchinabiki hibari naku no no haru no yūgure |
To the distance far The growing greensward Stretches; Skylarks singing o’er the plain In the springtime evening. |
85
Right.
雲に入るそなたの聲をながむれば雲雀落ち來る明ぼのゝ空
| kumo ni iru sonata no koe no nagamureba hibari ochikuru akebono no sora |
From within the clouds Comes song: thither Staring, Skylarks swooping Through the skies at dawn. |
86
The Right team question what it is that the greensward ‘streams’ (nabiku) towards, while the Left say that starting with ‘within the clouds’ (kumo ni iru) is ‘somewhat abrupt’.
Shunzei comments of the Right’s question, ‘whatever it streams towards, in truth, from point of view of form, it should not stream at all,’ meaning that there’s no need to use the expression at all in the poem. As for the Right’s poem, somewhat facetiously, he says, ‘what is “within the clouds” is, most likely a ball, and while gazing “thither at their song”, one would think that, no doubt, the skylark, too, would soon come swooping down, but one would have to stop staring in order to catch it!’ In addition, ‘wouldn’t it be to dark at dawn to distinguish a skylark?’ So, ‘Skylarks singing o’er the plain/In the springtime evening’ should be the winner.