Left.
山里は朝川渡る駒の音に瀬々の氷の程を知るかな
yamazato wa
asakawa wataru
koma no oto ni
seze no kōri no
hodo o shiru kana |
Dwelling in the mountains,
Crossing the river in the morning,
The horses’ footfalls
Upon the ice within the shallows
Tells to me its depth… |
Kenshō.
541
Right (Win).
谷河の氷るだにある山里に人も音せぬ今朝の白雪
tanikawa no
kōru dani aru
yamazato ni
hito mo oto senu
kesa no shirayuki |
The streamlet,
Even, has frozen
At my mountain home;
No folks’ footfalls
On this snow-white morning… |
Ietaka.
542
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left just remark that the Right’s use of ‘even’ (dani aru) is ‘poor’ [yokarazu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Despite the Left starting their poem with ‘dwelling in the mountains’ (yamazato wa), even if it is on a winter morning, where must it take place? It must be at a riverside estate, or village. In addition, the only element of the conception of morning, is ‘crossing the river in the morning’ (asa kawa wataru). I do wonder about the sound of ‘even, has frozen’ (kōri dani aru), but the snow in the morning is more moving and charming [aware mo okashiku mo] than the Left’s mere sound of horses’ hooves on ice, so the Right’s is the better poem.
Left (Win).
誰か行く夏野の草の葉末よりほのかに見ゆる三嶋菅笠
tare ka yuku
natsuno no kusa no
hazue yori
honoka ni miyuru
mishima sugagasa |
Who is that a’coming?
Above the summer plains’ grass
Tips
Distantly appears
A Mishima sedge-hat! |
Lord Suetsune.
195
Right.
夏草にの飼ひの駒もかくろへていばゆる聲ぞ人に知らるゝ
natsukusa ni
no kai no koma mo
kakuroete
ibayuru koe zo
hito ni shiraruru |
Among the summer grasses
The herded horses, too,
Are hidden;
Whinnying neighs
Are what let folk know! |
The Provisional Master of the Empress’ Household Office.
196
Neither team has any comments to make about the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei remarks, ‘While the Left’s poem is certainly affecting, might it not be the case that simply “someone” (tare ka yuku) seen at a distance wearing a Mishima sedge-hat is insufficiently moving? However, the conception of the Right’s poem is not that surprising [kokoro wa mezurashikaranedo], and the expression [kotoba] “are hidden” (kakuroete) is certainly inappropriate [yoroshiki kotoba ni arazarubeshi]. “Sedge-hat” should win, should it not!’
秋雨や乳放れの馬の旅に立つ
akisame ya
chibanare no uma no
tabi ni tatsu |
In the autumn rains
A colt, plucked from his mother’s teat
Sets off on his journey. |
On winter fields.
馬の尾にいばらのかゝる枯野哉
uma no o ni
ibara no kakaru
kareno kana |
In my horse’s tail
Brambles are caught
In this winter field. |
On the moon: on suddenly awakening on passing through Nakayama in Saya and remembering the poem ‘Travelling Early in the Morning’ by Tu Mu.
馬に寢て殘夢月遠し茶のけぶり
uma ni nete
zanmu tsuki tôshi
cha no keburi |
Dozing on my mount
I start from sleep to see the distant moon,
Smoke rising for morning tea. |
(1684)
'Simply moving and elegant'