Left (Tie).
雲深き嶺の朝明けのいかならん槇の戸白む雪の光に
kumo fukaki
mine no asake no
ika naran
maki no to shiramu
yuki no hikari ni |
Deep within the clouds,
Morning to the peaks must come,
But how? I wonder,
With whitening round my cedar door,
Brightened by the snow… |
A Servant Girl.
551
Right.
眺めやる衣手寒し有明の月より殘る峰の白雪
nagameyaru
koromode samushi
ariake no
tsuki yori nokoru
mine no shirayuki |
Gazing on,
How chill my sleeves;
The dawntime
Moon will linger less than
The snowfall on the peaks… |
Jakuren.
552
Both teams say they find the other’s poem moving.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem has ‘deep snow’ (yuki fukaki), ‘whitening round my cedar door’ (maki no to shiramu), and the Right has ‘the dawntime moon will linger less than’ (ariake no tsuki yori nokoru) – the conception and diction of both are splendid [kokoro kotoba tomo ni yoroshiku koso haberumere]. It seems to me that is exactly how winter mornings are. Thus, it is difficult to say which is better. This must be a good tie [yoki ji].
Left.
さびしさの始とぞ見る朝まだきはだれ霜降る小野の篠原
sabishisa no
hajime to zo miru
asa madaki
hadarejimo furu
ono no shinohara |
The loneliness
Has begun, I feel,
Early in the morning, with
The dusting frost
On the arrow bamboo groves… |
Lord Suetsune.
549
Right (Win).
朝戸明けて都の辰巳眺むれば雪の梢や深草の里
asado akete
miyako no tatsumi
nagamureba
yuki no kozue ya
fukakusa no sato |
Opening my door one morning, and
South-east of the capital
Turning my gaze,
The snow-laden treetops recall
The depths of the estate at Fukakusa. |
The Provisional Master of the Empress’ Household Office.
550
Both teams say the other’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikaranu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although I feel that this topic of ‘Winter Mornings’ should express the conception of the latter half of winter [fuyu no nakaba sugitaru kokoro], the Left’s poem sounds like one from the beginning of winter, and I wonder about that. ‘South-east of the capital’ (miyako no tatsumi) is taken from the poem by Kisen on Mt Uji, which states ‘South east of the Capital, and so I dwell’ (miyako no tatsumi sika zo sumu). This conception [kokoro] of being there and ‘gazing south-east of the capital’ (miyako no tatsumi nagamureba) to the Fukakusa Estate, is charming [okashiku haberu]. Snow on the treetops in the morning, too, sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kikoyu]. Thus, the Right should win.
Left (Win).
一年を眺め盡せる朝戸出に薄雪氷るさびしさの果て
hitotose o
nagametsukuseru
asatode ni
usuyuki kōru
sabishisa no hate |
All throughout the year
Have I gazed, until I can do no more, then
Opening my door this morning
A light fall of frozen snow
Brings me to the ends of sorrow… |
Lord Sada’ie.
547
Right.
人をさへ訪はでこそ見れ今朝の雪を我踏み分けん跡の惜しきに
hito o sae
towade koso mire
kesa no yuki o
ware fumiwaken
ato no oshiki ni |
Even you,
I will not call upon, gazing
At this morning’s snow,
Should I tread through it,
I would regret the tracks I’d leave… |
Lord Takanobu.
548
The Right state that the Left’s poem is ‘overblown and intimidating’ [yuyushigeni odosaretari]. The Left merely state the Right’s poem is ‘unremarkable’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘All throughout the year have I gazed, until I can do no more’ (hitotose o nagametsukushi), followed by ‘the ends of sorrow’ (sabishisa no hate), gives the impression that the snow must be extremely deep, but saying ‘a light fall of frozen snow’ (usuyuki koru) sounds contrary to the content. The Right’s ‘even you, I will not call upon’ (hito o sae towazu) and ‘should I tread through it, I would regret the tracks’ (ware fumiwaken ato no oshiki ni) more than being trite in conception [tsune no kokoro], is direct in diction [kotoba kudakete], and sounds overly definite [amari tashika ni kikoete], so the conception of ‘I will not call upon, gazing’ (towade koso mire) is inferior to that of ‘light snow’ (usuyuki).
Left (Win).
訪へかしな庭の白雪跡絶えてあはれも深き冬の朝を
toekashi na
niwa no shirayuki
ato taete
aware mo fukaki
fuyu no ashita o |
I would go a’calling;
In my garden the white snowfall
Has covered all the tracks;
How deep is my sorrow,
On this winter morning! |
Lord Kanemune.
545
Right.
軒のうち雀の聲は馴るれども人こそ知らぬ今朝の白雪
noki no uchi ni
suzume no koe wa
naruredomo
hito koso shiranu
kesa no shirayuki |
From underneath the eaves
To the sparrows’ chirps
Have I grown accustomed, yet
No one noticed
This morning’s fall of snow so white… |
Nobusada.
545
The Right state that the Left’s initial line makes their poemsound like a reply. In addition, the final line is ‘overly forceful’ [itau tsuyoku]. The Left merely comment that the Right’s use of ‘sparrow’ (suzume) is ‘inappropriate’.
Shunzei’s judgement: Even though the Left’s poem is not a reply, starting with ‘I would go a’calling’ (toekashi na) is common in the reply style [zōtōtei]. In addition, ‘Winter Mornings’ is not a topic which one needs to approach obliquely. There are only the good and bad points of the poetry. ‘From underneath the eaves to the sparrows’ chirps have I grown accustomed’ (noki no uchi ni suzume no koe wa naruru) is not an expression much used about morning snow. However, the final section of the poem appears fine. ‘Sparrows’ chirps’ (suzume no koe) is, perhaps, somewhat colloquial [zoku no chikaku]. Despite the comment by the gentlemen of the Right that the final section of the Left’s poem is ‘overly forceful’, it is a better ‘Winter Morning’ poem.
Left (Win).
宿ごとに絶えぬ朝餉の煙さへ冬の氣色はさびしかりけり
yadogoto ni
taenu asake no
kemuri sae
fuyu no keshiki wa
sabishikarikeri |
From every house
Unending is the breakfasts’
Smoke – and even that
Makes a winter scene
All the more lonely. |
Lord Ari’ie.
543
Right.
朝まだき嵐は庭を渡れども雪には跡もつかぬ也けり
asa madaki
arashi wa niwa o
wataredomo
yuki ni wa ato mo
tsukanu narikeri |
Early in the morning
The storm wind, o’er my garden
Gusts, yet
Upon the fallen snow no trace
It leaves. |
Lord Tsune’ie.
544
The Right say the Left’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikarazu]. The Left say the Right’s poem is ‘commonplace’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although the Left’s ‘unending is the breakfasts’ smoke – and even that’ (taenu asake no kemuri sae) is lacking in poetic qualities [utashina no naku wa haberedo], the gentlemen of the Right have judged it not to be bad. As for the Right, if a storm blows through a garden, even if there is no snow, surely there would be some trace of it, wouldn’t there? The Left should win.
Left.
山里は朝川渡る駒の音に瀬々の氷の程を知るかな
yamazato wa
asakawa wataru
koma no oto ni
seze no kōri no
hodo o shiru kana |
Dwelling in the mountains,
Crossing the river in the morning,
The horses’ footfalls
Upon the ice within the shallows
Tells to me its depth… |
Kenshō.
541
Right (Win).
谷河の氷るだにある山里に人も音せぬ今朝の白雪
tanikawa no
kōru dani aru
yamazato ni
hito mo oto senu
kesa no shirayuki |
The streamlet,
Even, has frozen
At my mountain home;
No folks’ footfalls
On this snow-white morning… |
Ietaka.
542
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left just remark that the Right’s use of ‘even’ (dani aru) is ‘poor’ [yokarazu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Despite the Left starting their poem with ‘dwelling in the mountains’ (yamazato wa), even if it is on a winter morning, where must it take place? It must be at a riverside estate, or village. In addition, the only element of the conception of morning, is ‘crossing the river in the morning’ (asa kawa wataru). I do wonder about the sound of ‘even, has frozen’ (kōri dani aru), but the snow in the morning is more moving and charming [aware mo okashiku mo] than the Left’s mere sound of horses’ hooves on ice, so the Right’s is the better poem.
'Simply moving and elegant'