Round Eighteen
Left (Tie)
なにはがたあしのまろやのたびねにはしぐれはのきのしづくにぞしる
| naniwagata ashi no maroya no tabine ni wa shigure wa noki no shizuku ni zo shiru | In Naniwa’s tidelands, In a reed-roofed hut, Dozing on my travels— A shower by the eaves Dripping droplets is revealed! |
Lord Tsunemori
85
Right
つのくにのこやのたびねにしぐれしてなにかはもらむあしのやへぶき
| tsu no kuni no koya no tabine ni shigureshite nani ka wa moramu ashi no yaebuki | In the land of Tsu In Koya, in a hut dozing on my travels During a shower— Will anything drip through My roof’s eightfold thatch? |
Lord Yorisuke
86
Both Left and Right are set in a traveller’s lodge in Sesshū province, but the Left appears to lack configuration and conception, it has long been said that using four of the character in a poem in a poetry match is a fault, but it does not sound to me as if the four uses of no here are a particular problem. With that being said, starting with ‘dozing on my travels’ [tabine ni wa]and then having ‘a shower by the eaves’ [shigure ni wa] uses wa twice and this seems to sound a bit discordant. The Right, while it refers to the same sort of shower from a cloudless sky, starts with ‘during a shower’ and follows this with ‘will anything drip through?’, which seems to sound a bit contradictory. I can’t help but feel it would have been better had it been ‘even though it showers’ and then had ‘will anything’. However, both poems are about reed roofed huts during a shower and it really is difficult to distinguish between them. Thus, I make this a tie.
