芦のやのなだのしほやき我なれやよるはすがらにくゆりわぶらん
| ashi no ya no nada no shioyaki ware nare ya yoru wa sugara ni kuyuriwaburan | Beneath a roof of reeds At Nada roasting salt Am I! All night long, Smouldering with painful passion… |
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Tag Archives: roof
Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 07
Round Seven
Left (Both Judges – Win)
音にさへ袂をぬらす時雨かな槙の板屋のよはの寝覚に
| oto ni sae tamoto o nurasu shigure kana maki no itaya ni yowa no nezame ni | Even the sound Does soak my sleeves with A shower Striking my roof of cedar boards, Awaking at midnight… |
Lord Sadanobu
13
Right
しぐれとて柞の杜にたちよれば木のはとともに降りかかるかな
| shigure tote hahaso no mori ni tachiyoreba ko no ha to tomo ni furikakaru kana | When with a shower’s fall Within the oak forest I head to stand Together with the leaves, It strikes me as it falls! |
Lord Munekuni
14
Toshiyori states: the first poem’s composition on one’s sleeves getting soaked on hearing a sound is extremely charming. It sounds like that’s really how it is. The latter poem, too, is smooth, and the final line appears to have had some thought put into it, so I dread having to say that the first poem wins.
Mototoshi states: ‘a shower at midnight upon a roof of cedar boards’ is a particularly superlative image, and that this would drench one’s sleeves is also extremely charming. While ‘the oak forest’ does not appear bad, it’s not that remarkable, and ‘waking at midnight’ is something that certainly occurs, I feel.
Sumiyoshi-sha uta’awase kaō ni-nen 43
Round Eighteen
Left (Tie)
なにはがたあしのまろやのたびねにはしぐれはのきのしづくにぞしる
| naniwagata ashi no maroya no tabine ni wa shigure wa noki no shizuku ni zo shiru | In Naniwa’s tidelands, In a reed-roofed hut, Dozing on my travels— A shower by the eaves Dripping droplets is revealed! |
Lord Tsunemori
85
Right
つのくにのこやのたびねにしぐれしてなにかはもらむあしのやへぶき
| tsu no kuni no koya no tabine ni shigureshite nani ka wa moramu ashi no yaebuki | In the land of Tsu In Koya, in a hut dozing on my travels During a shower— Will anything drip through My roof’s eightfold thatch? |
Lord Yorisuke
86
Both Left and Right are set in a traveller’s lodge in Sesshū province, but the Left appears to lack configuration and conception, it has long been said that using four of the character in a poem in a poetry match is a fault, but it does not sound to me as if the four uses of no here are a particular problem. With that being said, starting with ‘dozing on my travels’ [tabine ni wa]and then having ‘a shower by the eaves’ [shigure ni wa] uses wa twice and this seems to sound a bit discordant. The Right, while it refers to the same sort of shower from a cloudless sky, starts with ‘during a shower’ and follows this with ‘will anything drip through?’, which seems to sound a bit contradictory. I can’t help but feel it would have been better had it been ‘even though it showers’ and then had ‘will anything’. However, both poems are about reed roofed huts during a shower and it really is difficult to distinguish between them. Thus, I make this a tie.
Sumiyoshi-sha uta’awase kaō ni-nen 37
Round Twelve
Left
しぐれにはいほりもささじくさまくらおときくとてもぬれぬそでかは
| shigure ni wa iori mo sasaji kusamakura oto kiku tote mo nurenu sode ka wa | Caught in a shower, I’d not erect my hut, for Upon a grassy pillow Listening to the sound, still Would my sleeves be soaked! |
Tsunemasa
73
Right (Win)
たまもふくいそやがしたにもるしぐれたびねのそでもしほたれよとや
| tamamo fuku isoya ga shita ni moru shigure tabine no sode mo shiotareyo to ya | Thatched with gemweed is My roof upon the rocky shore, beneath it Drips a shower, so My sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, Wet with the salty tides – should I say that? |
Nakatsuna
74
The Left wonders whether his sleeves would be soaked, listening to the sound of a shower after abandoning all thought of a hut and grassy pillow—this seems extremely charming, but the configuration and sequencing of the Right, beginning with ‘thatched with gemweed’ and continuing with ‘my sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, / Wet with salty tides’, is extremely moving, isn’t it! Thus I have to award a win, once more, to the poem of the Right.
