miyakobe ni yume ni mo yukamu tayori araba utsu no yamakaze fuki mo tsuteyo
If towards the capital, Even to her dreams would you go, and Be my messenger, O, Utsu Mountain breeze, Blow, and tell her…[i]
599
[i] See: While at Utsu Mountain in Suruga, he thought of someone he had been meeting and sent this to the capital. するがなるうつの山邊のうつゝにも夢にも人にあはぬなりけり suruga naru / utsu no yamabe no / utsutsu ni mo / yume ni mo hito ni / awanu narikeri ‘In Suruga / At the Utsu mountains / In truth and / In my dreams she / Is nowhere to be seen…’ Ariwara no Narihira (Shinkokinshū X: 904)
azumaji no saya no nakayama koete inaba itodo miyako ya tōzakarinan
Upon eastland roads lies Saya-no-Nakayama: When I pass across it How much the capital Seems further away…[i]
569
[i] See: 安都麻道乃 手児乃欲婢佐可 古要弖伊奈婆 安礼波古非牟奈 能知波安比奴登母 azumaji no/ tego no yobisaka / koete inaba / are wa koinamu na / nochi wa ainuru tomo ‘On eastland roads lies / Tego-no-Yobisaka: / When I pass across it, / How filled am I with yearning, / Even should we meet once more…’ (Man’yōshū XIV: 3477)
yaezakura furuki miyako ni nioedomo furizu mo hana no mezurashiki kana
Eightfold cherry Around the ancient capital Does glow, yet Unfallen and anew, the blossoms Are remarkable!
Cell of Fragrant Cloud 11
Right
みやこいでてかりそめにこし山ざとの花に心のからめられぬる
miyako idete karisome ni koshi yamazato no hana ni kokoro no karamerarenuru
Departing the capital On occasion I make my way To a mountain retreat where The blossoms my heart Have entangled.
Cell of Compassionate Light 12
The Left’s poem is a clear example of the overlayed diction fault. As for the Right’s poem, saying ‘have entangled’ is extremely overblown diction. Whatever sort of poem it might be, this expression would be unacceptable, wouldn’t it! Was this, perhaps, composed with an imperfect understanding of the Kawara Minister’s poem? That goes ‘For the scented / Breeze has yet to blow…’[1] Perhaps this is a misreading of a character in the poem’s text?[i] The Left has the fault of overlayed diction, and the Right…[ii]
The Left’s poem is extremely charming. I do have to say that having both ‘ancient’ (furuki) and ‘unfallen’ (furizu) is a fault and yet, this should not be criticized excessively. The poem of the Right’s ‘On occasion I make my way’, too, does not seem as if the poet is visiting the blossom, and so is lacking in sentiment. The concluding ‘have entangled’ is a piece of overblown diction, although it is not the case that it does not appear in prior poetry,[2] but I still feel that it grates on the ear a bit.
[1] When he participated in an archery display, during the reign of the Jōgan emperor [Seiwa]. けふ桜しづくにわが身いざぬれむかごめにさそふ風のこぬまに kyō sakura / shizuku ni wa ga mi / iza nuremu / kagome ni sasou / kaze no konu ma ni ‘Today let cherry blossom / Droplets my body / Drench! / For the scented / Breeze has yet to blow…’ The Kawara Minister of the Left (GSS II: 56)
[2] 美知乃倍乃 宇万良能宇礼尓 波保麻米乃 可良麻流伎美乎 波可礼加由加牟 michi no e no / umara no ure ni / haomame no / karamaru kimi o / hagareka yukamu ‘At the roadside / The briar rose tips / By bean vines / Are entangled, but from you / My love, I must depart…’ Hasetsukabe no Tori (MYS XX: 4352)
[i] Mototoshi is suggesting that Sōen has misread kagome かこめ in Minamoto no Tōru’s famous earlier poem as karame からめ, which would have been possible if reading a handwritten text.
[ii] There is a lacuna in Mototoshi’s judgement here, but it is clear from what he has said that he disapproved of both poems this round and so it would have been a tie.
honoka nite aru ka naki ka ni suguru mi ya namima ni magau ama no isaribi
Faintly, Uncertain if I’m here or not Do I pass through? Entangled between the waves, A fisherman’s torch.
Lord Suetsune 123
Right
すみよしのなをたのみこししるしありてかへるみやこにおもひいでもがな
sumiyoshi no na o tanomikoshi shirushi arite kaeru miyako ni omoi’ide mogana
In Sumiyoshi’s Name did I place my trust— Had it some effect then On returning to the capital Happy memories, I would have!
Takanobu 124
The Left appears to have pleasant configuration and diction, saying ‘Entangled between the waves, / A fisherman’s torch’. Using ‘faintly’ and then concluding with ‘fisherman’s torch’ is extremely charming, but I do wonder about describing a person’s passage through the world as ‘faint’. The Right sounds elegant in style, but saying, ‘On returning to the capital / Happy memories, I would have!’ could be saying that the memories are of the return to the capital itself, and I don’t feel this matches with the initial part of the poem. In addition, is the conception of wanting the deity’s aid for the return? This sounds rather capricious. The Left has a pleasant configuration, and thus it should win.
uchishigure mono sabishikaru ashi no ya no koya no nezame ni miyako koishi mo
A slight shower is All the more lonely In a reed-roofed Hut in Koya, starting awake and Longing for the capital more…
Lord Sanesada 99
Right
あはれにもよはにすぐなるしぐれかななれもやたびのそらにいでつる
aware ni mo yowa ni sugu naru shigure kana nare mo ya tabi no sora ni idetsuru
How sad is At midnight a passing Shower! Have you, too, on a journey Into the skies departed?
Lord Toshinari 100
The configuration of the Left’s poem, beginning with ‘All the more lonely’ and concluding with ‘Longing for the capital more’, has already penetrated the boundaries of mystery and depth. It sounds particularly pleasant. The poem of the Right is the judge’s own meagre work. Thus, in accordance with precedent I shall refrain from rendering a judgement.
inamushiro shikitsu no ura no matsukaze wa morikuru ori zo shigure to mo shiru
A straw mat spread At Shikitsu Bay, where when On the wind through the pines Come dripping droplets I know a shower is falling!
Lord Kiyosuke 93
Right (Win)
おほぞらもみやこのかたをしのぶらしこよひはことにうちしぐれつつ
ōzora mo miyako no kata o shinoburashi koyoi wa koto ni uchishiguretsutsu
The heavens, too, Of the capital Think fondly, it seems, For tonight is especially Filled with constant showers…
Lord Sanetsuna 94
The poem of the Left appears to have a pleasant conception, blending showers with the wind through the pines and saying, ‘Come dripping droplets / I know a shower is falling!’, but it appears that the straw mat has only been spread because of the reference to Shikitsu [spreading] Bay. Considering the actual nature of a straw mat, however, I do not feel that the sense links with Shikitsu Bay, although it would be charming if sleeping on a journey in the shade of the willows beside a river, or even in a hut among the rice-fields. I do not feel it is appropriate to spread a straw mat beneath the pines at Sumiyoshi. In addition, it is only the straw mat here which has the conception of a journey—how should one feel about that? The configuration of the Right’s poem, beginning with ‘The heavens, too’ and following with ‘Of the capital / Think fondly, it seems’, I would say is a poem for a poetry match. While a counter-argument has been made about the Left’s poem, it’s really asking for the impossible, isn’t it. So, I impose victory for the Right.
