Left (Win).
暮そめて草の葉なびく風のまに垣根涼しき夕顔の花
| kuresomete kusa no ha nabiku kaze no ma ni kakine suzushiki yūgao no hana |
At the first fall of dusk Blades of grass rustle In the breeze; On the brushwood fence coolly Blooms a moonflower. |
271
Right.
日數ふる雪にしほれし心地して夕顔咲ける賤が竹垣
| hikazu furu yuki ni shioreshi kokochishite yūgao sakeru shizu ga takegaki |
Day after passing day Of snowfall has draped it, I feel, Moonflowers blooming on A peasant’s bamboo fence. |
272
The Right state, ‘Both “first fall of dusk” (kuresomete) and “in the breeze” (kaze no ma ni) are unusual expressions.’ The Left in return say, ‘It sounds as if the bamboo fence is weighed down with moonflowers!’ (The Left here are interpreting the verb shioru to mean ‘bend down’ which is one of its senses. I have not followed this in my translation, in line with Shunzei’s judgement, below.)
Shunzei comments, ‘The gentlemen of the Right have stated that “first fall of dusk” (kuresomete) and “in the breeze” (kaze no ma ni) are unusual expressions, but I do not feel this to be particularly the case. As for yuki ni shiroreshi, surely this simply means that the fence is draped. In any case, however, “on the brushwood fence, coolly” is the superior poem in every way.’