au koto o sono toshitsuki to chigiraneba inochi ya koi no kagiri naruramu
That we might meet For months and years She has not promised, so My life will my love’s Limit be, no doubt!
Lord Shigemoto 69
Right
よとともにもえこそわたれ我が恋は不二の高根のけぶりならねど
yo to tomo ni moe koso watare wa ga koi wa fuji no takane no keburi naranedo
With the coming of the night Ever burning is My love, though From Fuji’s peak Smoke it is not…
Lord Toshitaka 70
Toshiyori states: the first poem doesn’t seem bad. The second poem nothing but cliched. Thus, the first poem should win.
Mototoshi states: while love lasting lifelong without even a promise to meet over years and months is a painfully moving conception, someone burning every night is dear, too. Thus, it’s not inferior and these are of the same quality.
The Right state: ‘It shows no sign of weakening’ [yowarazaruran] seems unsatisfactory in its placement in this poem. The Left state: there are no faults to inidicate.
In judgement: the Left’s second section seems fine, but the initial section’s ‘pain alone’ (tsurasa) sounds overly forceful. However, in the Right’s poem ‘All you would hear from me, though, is that, now, I am sad’ (kikaren sae zo ima wa kanashiki) in the final section seems both overly explicit and somewhat weak. I cannot award a win this round.
