Tag Archives: valley

Winter II: 12

Left (Win).

清水もる谷の戸ぼそも閉ぢはてゝ氷を叩く嶺の松風

shimizu moru
tani no toboso mo
tojihatete
kōri o tataku
mine no matsukaze
Where spring waters flow
From out the valley mouth
Is stopped;
Against the ice strikes
The wind from off the pine-filled peaks.

A Servant Girl.

563

Right.

梢にも夜半の白雪積もるらし音弱り行嶺の松風

kozue ni mo
yowa no shirayuki
tsumorurashi
oto yowariyuku
mine no matsukaze
The treetops, too,
Within the snows tonight
Are buried, it seems:
The sounds have softened of
The wind from off the pine-filled peaks.

Nobusada.

564

Neither Left nor Right find any fault.

Shunzei’s judgement: The phrasing of both poems, such as ‘wind from off the pine-filled peaks’ (mine no matsukaze), ‘Against the ice strikes’ (kōri o tataku) and ‘sounds have softened’ (oto yowariyuku), has not particular strong or weak points [kōotsu nakuhaberedo], but still, ‘against the ice strikes’ seems a little superior.

Spring I: 15

Left.

音すなり淺茅が下の忘水こほりしほどは知られざりしを

oto su nari
asaji ga shita no
wasuremizu
kōrishi hodo wa
shirarezarishi o
The sound is heard
From beneath the sparse strands of cogon grass:
Forgotten streamlets which,
When frozen,
Were all unknown.

Lord Suetsune

29

Right (Win).

聞きなれし峰の嵐にいつしかとをとづれかはる谷のした水

kikinareshi
mine no arashi ni
itsushika to
otozure kawaru
tani no shitamizu
Well accustomed to the howl
Of storm-winds round the peaks,
Suddenly,
The sound does change:
To waters running on the valley floor.

Lord Takanobu

30

The Right team have no comments to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left wonder whether storm-winds really blow in spring?

Shunzei comments that the opening of the Left’s poem is ‘extremely charming’. As for the criticism that storm-winds do not blow in spring, it’s ‘not the case that they do not blow at all’ at that time. After the end of spring, when storm-winds become gentler and their voice fainter, is when one must have poems in the spirit of rising waters flowing through the valleys. He also feels that ‘The sound does change:/To waters running on the valley floor.’ (otozure kawaru/tani no shitamizu) is superior to the Left’s ‘When frozen,/Were all unknown.’ (kôrishi hodo wa/shirarezarishi o), and so gives the Right the victory this round.