The Right have no criticisms to make this round. The Left simply say the phrase ‘huts? Faintly misted’ (iori ka usugiri) ‘stands out’.
Again, Shunzei is blunt: ‘The Left’s “untouched by soot” (susukenu) and the Right’s “faintly misted” (usugiri) are both equally poor. The round should tie.’
kasumi wo ya
kemuri to mien
musasino ni
tuma mo komoreru
kigisu nakunari
The haze
Does seem as smoke;
On Musashino Plain
With his hen hidden
A pheasant calls.
The Left snap back that as Yorimasa’s poem is not included in the imperial anthologies, they could not have seen it, and in any case, what sort of criticism is it to say that it ‘resembles Yorimasa’s poem?’ As for the Right’s poem, ‘do pheasants always hide in the grass come the morning?’
Shunzei comments that it is ‘a bit much’ to avoid Yorimasa’s poem altogether. Although he does then go on to say that ‘there’s no reason to strong arm in examples’ of poems not in the imperial anthologies. However, ‘what’s the point’ of associating ‘today’ (kyō) so strongly with ‘smoke’ (kemuri)? (It was supposed to be used only for particular days, such as the first day of spring.) In the Right’s poem ‘When morning’s haze/Has cleared, how swiftly’ (asa kasumi/harureba yagate) ‘has nothing needing criticism about it’, so the their poem is superior this round.
The Right have no particular remarks to make about the Left’s poem this round, while the Left say that they understand the general import of the Right’s poem, but are ‘unable to grasp’ the sense of ‘Returning to the smoke’ (kemuri ni kaeru) (that is, why a pheasant would do it).
Shunzei merely adds that ‘the smoke in both poems prevents one from seeing very far’, so there is no clear winner and the round must be a tie.
Both teams say there is ‘nothing remarkable’ about the other’s poem, while Shunzei says simply the purport of both is ‘generally appropriate’ and that it would be ‘difficult to determine’ a winner.
moshio yaku
ama no iso ya no
yû keburi
tatsu na mo kurushi
omoi taenade
Seaweed-salt burning,
From fisher-folks’ huts upon the rocky shore
In the evening smoke
Rises-painful to lose my good name, yet
I cannot bear this longing.