sumiyoshi no ura saewataru tsuki mireba matsu no kokage zo kumori narikeru
When across Sumiyoshi’s Bay, so chill crossing The moon I see, The shadows from the pines are The only clouds.
Lord Minamoto no Suehiro Junior Fifth Rank, Upper Grade Without Office[ii] 30
While the Left’s poem has no remarkable elements, I must say that the configuration of ‘tonight, simply’ is pleasant. As for the Right’s poem, in addition to it being quite commonplace, when composing about the brightness of the moon, to say that something is the only cloud, if you say that ‘the shadows from the pines are / The only clouds’ it certainly sounds as if that’s what they are at the very least [and thus imply that Sumiyoshi is cloudy, when the topic is the brightness of the moon], so I make the Left the winner.
yuki mo awanu chigi no katasogi moru tsuki o shimo to ya kami no omoimasuramu
Fail to entwine do The chiliad of trees, while from the ridge poles Drips the moon— ‘Tis frost, perhaps, does the Deity Deign to wonder?
Lord Taira no Tsunemasa Supernumerary Director of the Bureau of Horses, Left Division Governor of Awaji Exalted Fifth Rank, Lower Grade[i] 27
Right
しろたへのゆきかとみればかぜさえて月ぞしづるるすみよしのまつ
shirotae no yuki ka to mireba kaze saete tsuki zo shizururu sumiyoshi no matsu
White as mulberry cloth, I wonder, if ‘tis snow, I see— In the chill wind The moon slips from The pines of Sumiyoshi…
Lord Minamoto no Nakatsuna Governor of Oki Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade[ii] 28
The configuration of the Left appears elegant, but the expression ‘chiliad of trees’ was said to be impermissible by Lord Mototoshi in his judgement on a poetry competition held in a certain place. The final section, too, seems to require a bit more thought [because it’s insulting to the deity]. As for the Right, the conception of wondering if the moon’s light shining through the trees is snow slipping off them is charming, but I do wonder about the sound of ‘the moon slips’ as a piece of diction. The initial ‘white as mulberry cloth’, too, sounds like it needs further thought [because this is not used to modify ‘snow’], so these should tie.
[i]Shōgoige-gyō sauma gon-kami ken awaji no kami Taira ason Tsunemasa正五位下行左馬権頭兼淡路守平朝臣経正
[ii]Jūgoige-gyō oki no kami Minamoto ason Nakatsuna 従五位下行隠岐守源朝臣仲綱
sumiyoshi no amakudarimasu matsu no ue ni sora yori kakuru tsuki no shirayū
At Sumiyoshi Did the Deity descend from Heaven To the pines—upon them From the skies are hung The moon’s sacred streamers.
Kamo no Agatanushi Masahira Kataoka Junior Assistant Priest[1] 25
Right (Win)
しめのうちにしらゆふかけぬひまぞなき月もたむけのこころありけり
shime no uchi ni shirayū kakenu hima zo naki tsuki mo tamuke no kokoro arikeri
Within the holy precints Sacred streamers fail to hang In not a single spot— The moon to make an offering Is of a mind.
Lord Fujiwara no Chikashige Junior Fifth Rank, Upper Grade, Without Office[2] 26
While the poem of the Left’s ‘From the skies are hung’ and so forth seems charming, I do wonder about the idea of the ‘Deity descending from Heaven / To the pines’—it’s vague. The poem of the Right’s conception and configuration of ‘The moon to make an offering’ appears pleasant, and thus it wins.
suminoboru tsuki no hikari ni migakurete kumori mo miezu tamatsu shimahime
Climbing clearly The moon’s light Polishes, so that No clouds appear above The divine Princess of Tamatsu Isle!
Lord Fujiwara no Suetsune Assistant Master of the Empress Household Office Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade[1] 23
Right
すみよしのまつのこずゑにいる月はしづえのひまぞなほまたれける
sumiyoshi no matsu no kozue ni iru tsuki wa shizue no hima zo nao matarekeru
At Sumiyoshi Into the treetops of the pines Has sunk the moon— The gaps ‘tween the lower boughs Will ever be awaited!
Lord Fujiwara no Takanobu Supernumerary Director of the Bureau of Horses, Right Division Exalted Junior Fifth Rank, Upper Grade[2] 24
The conception of the Left’s poem of the moon’s light polishing Tamatsu Isle appears charming, but it would have been preferable to stop with ‘No clouds appear above / Tamatsu Isle’. Even though the poem wishes to say that ‘no clouds appear above’ her, the final use of ‘princess’ is a bit critical [for a poem mentioning a deity], isn’t it? As for the Right’s poem, while it does seem to have been composed with some attempt at conception, saying ‘Into the treetops of the pines / Has sunk the moon’ makes it sound as if the light can sink there, but this is what happens at the mountains’ edge, I feel. Thus, here we do have a reference to the moon over this particular shrine, while the Left is based on a reference to the Deity of Tamatsu Isle, and as both of these places are splendid, I hesitate to award a win or a loss and thus, once more, the round ties.
[1]Shōyon’ige-gyō chūgū no suke Fujiwara ason Suetsune正四位下行中宮亮藤原朝臣季経
[2]Jūgoijō-gyō uma no gonkami Fujiwara ason Takanobu 従五位上行右馬権頭藤原朝臣隆信
sumiyoshi no kamisabinikeru tamagaki o migaku wa tsuki no hikari narikeri
Sumiyoshi’s Awesome Begemmed fences are Polished by the moon’s Light.
Hyōenokami, in service to the Junior Consort[1] 21
Right
くまもなくさえゆく月にみがかれてひかりをそふるあけのたまがき
kuma mo naku saeyuku tsuki ni migakurete hikari o souru ake no tamagaki
Not a cloud mars The chill moon Polishing With trailing light The vermillion begemmed fences.
Lord Minamoto no Michichika, Supernumerary Minor Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Right Division, Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Upper Grade[2] 22
Both Left and Right take up the image of the moon’s light polishing the begemmed fences, and the Right’s final section expresses emotions which are frequently heard, while the Left, furthermore, is repetitive [it concludes two lines with the ending –keru/keri] and thus I make the round a tie.
matsu mo mina shirayū kakete sumiyoshi no tsuki no hikari mo kamisabinikeri
The pine trees, every one, Are hung with sacred streamers— At Sumiyoshi Even the moon’s light Inspires awe.
Hyōenosuke, in service to the Junior Consort (formerly Handmaid Mikawa, in service at the Nijō Palace)[1] 19
Right
かたそぎのゆきあはぬまよりもる月をさえぬしもとやかみは見るらむ
katasogi no yuki awanu ma yori moru tsuki o saenu shimo to ya kami wa miruramu
The ridge poles Fail to entwine, and from the gaps Drips moonlight— As chill-less frost, I wonder, Does the Deity regard it?
Lord Fujiwara no Naganori Supernumerary Minor Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Left Division Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade[2] 20
The Left’s poem appears to have a pleasant configuration with ‘Even the moon’s light / Inspires awe’. The poem of the Right, furthermore, has a charming-sounding sequence with ‘As chill-less frost, I wonder, / Does the Deity regard it?’ but in composition one usually states that the moon is fair precisely because of its chill. Thus, when one compares it to true frost, can one say that it lacks it? While I do feel that this is somewhat vague, both the poems appear to pleasant configurations, so I make this a tie.
[1]Nȳogo no ie Hyōenosuke moto nijōin Mikawa no maishi女御家兵衛佐元二条院参河内侍
While in the Left ‘ice appears’ and ‘is not, perhaps, melted’ seem to have some kind of linkage, if we consider this as a Cathay-style poem saying ‘A chill night’s moon / Ice atop the swell’, then I would have preferred it to say ‘is, perhaps, bound’. An alternative version of this would, of course, be ‘A spring morn’s breeze / Ice on the eastern shore’ which could lead to ‘is not, perhaps, melted’, I think. The Right has ‘On the coast before the shrine / Even the pine needles’ and through this type of linkage expresses the brightness of the moon. While this type of smug-sounding expression also appeared in the round before last, the moon here does seem bright and so I can say that the Right wins.
sumiyoshi no matsu fuku kaze no oto saete ura sabishiku mo sumeru tsuki kana
At Sumiyoshi The wind gusting through the pines Sounds so chill, as Sad and lonely above the shore Clear is the moon!
Lord Taira no Tsunemori Director of the Bureau of Palace Storehouses Assistant Master of the Dowager Empress’ Household Office Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade[1] 15
Right
やはらぐるひかりや月にそへつらむしめのうちにはてりまさりけり
yawaraguru hikari ya tsuki ni soetsuramu shime no uchi ni wa terimasarikeri
Has the God dimmed His light, that the moon, Seems to drift across, and Within the sacred bounds Shine brightest of all?
Lord Fujiwara no Yorisuke Junior Fourth Rank, Upper Grade[2] 16
The configuration and diction of the poem of the Left are easily grasped and seem to be filled with lonely sadness. The Right’s conception, in turn, expresses the essential essence of the moon over a shrine. However, I do feel that ‘the moon, / Seems to drift across’ is somewhat insufficient. In addition, the Left’s tone sounds strikingly superior, and thus it wins.
[1]Shōyon’ige-gyō kura no kami ken taikōtaigōgū no suke Taira ason Tsunemori 正四位下行内蔵頭兼太皇太后宮亮平朝臣経盛
akirakeki kami no kokoro ya taguuramu hoka yori mo ke ni sumeru tsuki kana
So bright is The Deity’s heart that, surely Close by clings More than anywhere, indeed, The moon, so clear!
Lord Fujiwara no Sanemori Supernumerary Middle Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Right Division Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade[2] 14
The Left’s ‘Did He first manifest / Surely when above’ appears pleasant, but the diction of the latter part of the poem does not sound as if it does justice to the topic. The Right’s conception and diction sound as if they match the topic of the moon over the shrine, but I would have preferred a bit more technique than is in the line ‘More than anywhere, indeed’. Thus, as both contain faults the round ties once more.
