vermillion | Waka Poetry

Round Twenty-One

Left

ひさかたの月もひかりをやはらげてしめのうちにはすむにやあるらむ

hisakata no
tsuki mo hikari o
yawaragete
shime no uchi ni wa
sumu ni ya aruramu

The eternal
Moon, too, his light
Has softened, that
Within the sacred grounds
Should be more clear, perhaps?

Lord Fujiwara no Asamune
Supernumerary Governor of Suruga
Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade[1]
41

Right (Win)

月かげをゆきかとみればすみよしのあけのたまがきいろもかくれず

tsukikage o
yuki ka to mireba
sumiyoshi no
ake no tamagaki
iro mo kakurezu

When, upon the moonlight,
I looked and wondered if ‘twas snow,
At Sumiyoshi
The vermillion jewelled fences’
Hues were not concealed at all.

Lord Fujiwara no Kanetsuna
Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade
Without Office[2]
42

The Left’s ‘Moon, too, his light / Has softened’ and so forth seems a charming configuration, but it is unclear from this whether the moon is shining more gently within the sacred grounds. Although I do wonder about the sound of beginning with ‘I looked and wondered if ‘twas snow’ and abruptly ending with ‘Hues were not concealed at all’, the conception seems clearly expressed in the diction and so I make the Right the winner.

[1] Suruga gonkami jūgoige Fujiwara ason Asamune駿河権守従五位下藤原朝臣朝宗

[2] San’i jūgoige Fujiwara ason Kanetsuna 散位従五位下藤原朝臣懐綱

Left (Win)

たまがきにひかりさしそふゆふづくよかみにたむくるかげにやあるらむ

tamagaki ni
hikari sashisouru
yūzukuyo
kami ni tamukuru
kage ni ya aruramu

The jewelled fences,
Trailed with light,
On an early moonlit evening:
Is this to the Deity an offering
Of light, I wonder?

Lord Fujiwara no Kunisuke
Supernumerary Senior Secretary of the Empress Household Office
Exalted Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade
39

Right

くもはらふあらしのみがく月にまたひかりをそふるあけのたまがき

kumo harau
arashi no migaku
tsuki ni mata
hikari o souru
ake no tamagaki

Clouds swept away
By the storm wind, polish
The moon, so once more
Light trails across
The vermillion jewelled fences.

Horikawa, from the Residence of the Former Chancellor[1]
40

The Left’s poem is extremely charming with the solicitousness it displays in the sequence ‘On an early moonlit evening: / Is this to the Deity an offering’, but it is truly regrettable that it does not use the full moon or that at the dawn. The Right’s poem focusses on ‘light trailing’ and, as I get the impression that I have heard this a lot recently, the earlier instances have said all there is to say here, so once more the overall style of the Left is superior.