Neither team has any criticism to make of the other’s poem.
Shunzei states, ‘Although the Right’s poem has a somewhat old-fashioned air about it [sukoshi furite zo mie], both poems are superb in form [utazama wa tomo ni yū], and thus the round should tie.’
The Left indicate they have nothing to remark on in the Right’s poem.
Shunzei agrees with the Right, up to a point, ‘The beginning of the Left’s poem does, indeed, as the gentlemen of the Right say, recall the “dwelling” (Furusato), but its final section is truly marvellous. Simply ending with “spring, he bitterly resents” (haru o uramite), as does the Right’s poem, is worse than the Left’s old-fashioned beginning.’
Neither team can find any particular fault with the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei says, ‘Both poems are on “lengthening days”, and both – the Left’s “warblers’ multitude of twitters” (uguisu no momo saezuri) and the Right’s “choir of cranes” (tsuru no morogoe) – have a tranquil air and sound excellent. Again, I must make them a tie.’
The Right team have no particular remarks to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left state that the Right’s poem is ‘most satisfying.’
Shunzei’s judgement is: ‘The Left’s “Is this haze?” (kasumi ka wa) seems like it wants to be “Is this just haze?” (kasumi nomi ka wa). “In blossom and warbler song am I sealed” (hana uguisu ni tojirarete) and “my home this dawn” (yado no akebono) remind one of “the lofty palace of Shinsei stands behind warblers and blossom” and this is excellent. As for the Right’s poem, this is particularly moving, with its depiction of the scene “departing from the waves, narrow clouds trail across the sky” (nami ni hanaruru yokogumo no sora), recalling “the pine-clad peak of Sué” (sue no matsuyama). The poem does start with “hazes rise” (kasumi tatsu) and having “haze” (kasumi), “wave” (nami) and “cloud” (kumo) means the poem is somewhat overburdened with similar imagery. “Narrow clouds trail across the sky”, though, does make a particularly strong impression, and the Left’s poem is merely satisfying, as has been said. Thus, “my home this dawn” must lose, I think.’
Neither side has any comments to make about these two poems.
Shunzei says both poems possess a ‘scintillating beauty’, but wonders whether the Right’s hasn’t borrowed too heavily from the Monk Sosei’s poem:
Composed as a Spring Poem
おもふどち春の山邊に打群れてそこともいはぬ旅寢してしか
omoFudoti
Faru no yamabe ni
utimurete
soko tomo iFanu
tabine sitesika
My friends,
In springtime in the mountain meadows
Did we gather,
Heedless of our place,
Wanted we to sleep out on our trip!
KKS II: 126
However, using the variation to borrow lodging from a warbler is, indeed, ‘scintillating’ and neither poems ‘sounds the least bit old-fashioned’. Hence, the round must be a tie.
The Right team have no comments to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left wonder whether the essence of the poem, of the warbler’s ‘tears of ice’ and song inviting the waters, might not be a bit much?
Shunzei remarks that the form and phrasing of the Left’s poem is ‘certainly charming’, and echoes their criticism of the Right’s poem, as having an ‘impossible essence’. He then goes on to say, ‘The Left is placidly charming; the Right’s essence must be excessive. They are equivalent and I judge this round a tie.’