In return.
何にかは袖の濡るらん白浪の名残有りげも見えぬ心を
| nani ni ka Fa sode no nururan siranami no nagori arige mo mienu kokoro wo |
For what Should my sleeves seem so wet? The whitecaps Must have left a keepsake Unseen, in my heart… |
Taiyu
大輔
Tag Archives: nagori
Love II: 30
Left (Win).
忘れじの契を頼む別かな空行く月の末を數へて
| wasureji no chigiri o tanomu wakare kana sora yuku tsuki no sue o kazoete |
Not to forget I promised – trust that On our parting. The moon’s transit through the sky Is the number of our meeting. |
719
Right.
風吹かば峰に別れん雲をだにありし名殘の形見とも見よ
| kaze fukaba mine ni wakaren kumo o dani arishi nagori no katami to mo miyo |
If the wind should blow, Parting from the peak, Even the clouds My memories Seem to represent! |
720
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is most moving. The Right’s poem, the Gentlemen of the Left state, is fine.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem has one counting to the end of the moon’s transits through the sky, while the Right has clouds parting from a mountain peak being the poet’s thoughts given form. Both poems are elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘even the clouds’ (kumo ni dani) does not fit with the ending. The Left maintains its connections from beginning to end. Thus, I make it the winner.
Love II: 26
Left.
何か我今朝名残を歎かまし帰る程なく暮るる日ならば
| nani ka ware kesa nagori o nagekamashi kaenu hodo naku kururu hi naraba |
Why should I This morning for my keepsake Have only grief? If but a while from leaving The sun sets once again… |
711
Right (Win).
しばしなる今朝の別に見つる哉心がはりの行末の夢
| shibashinaru kesa no wakare ni mitsuru kana kokoro gawari no yukusue no yume |
For just a while At this morning’s parting Did I see it: Your change of heart In a prescient dream… |
712
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is entirely in the conception of a morning after poem. This does not match the conception of this topic. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the sense of the Right’s poem is difficult to grasp. The use of ‘dream’ (yume) does not fit with the remainder of the poem’s contents.
Shunzei’s judgement: in terms of the Left’s poem, the morning after is also a parting. What fault can be found in this? However, the Right’s ‘change of heart in a prescient dream’ sounds charming. Thus, the Right wins.
Summer II: 21
Left (Win).
あづまやの軒にしづくをとゞめをきて程なく晴れぬ夕立の空
| azumaya no noki ni shizuku o todomeokite hodo naku harenu yūdachi no sora |
On all four sides From the eaves droplets Yet hang; Quickly clearing is The evening shower from the sky. |
281
Right.
夕立のほどこそしばしとまりつれなごりも涼しみ山木の陰
| yūdachi no hodo koso shibashi tomaritsure nagori mo suzushi miyamagi no kage |
The evening shower’s Span, but briefly Would I rest here; Coolness, a memento In the shade of mountain trees. |
282
The Right query, ‘The use of “from the eaves droplets” (noki ni shizuku). Surely it should be “on the eaves droplets” (noki no shizuku)?’ The Left respond, ‘These are identical in meaning and have no real difference.’ They then wonder, ‘Whether the Right’s poem has not changed in topic to tree shade?’
Shunzei says simply, ‘Both Left’s latter section, and the Right’s initial section are particularly pedestrian in expression, but the Left’s “From the eaves droplets” is slightly superior.’
Spring I: 11
Left (Tie).
天の原春とも見えぬながめかなこぞのなごりの雪の明ぼの
| ama no hara haru tomo mienu nagame kana kozo no nagori no yuki no akebono |
Upon the plain of Heaven Of Spring there is no sign In sight: A memento of the year that’s gone, Snowfall with the dawning. |
21
Right (Tie).
なごりには春の袂も冴えにけり霞より散る雪のけしきに
| nagori ni wa haru no tamoto mo saenikeri kasumi yori chiru yuki no keshiki ni |
The memento Also upon my springtime sleeves Stands clear: Drifting from the haze, A scene of snow. |
22
In this round the Right team have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem, but the Left query beginning a poem with ‘memento’, as the audience then immediately wonder, ‘A memento of what?’
Shunzei comments that the Left’s poem starts extremely well, but that, even though ‘in sight’ (nagame kana) has been frequently used in poetry recently, its spirit has yet to be fully determined, and so including it here must be considered a mistake. Furthermore, the concluding line, ‘snowfall with the dawning’ (yuki no akebono), has also been much used in recent poetry. As for the Right’s poem, he feels it ends extremely well, but echoes the criticism of the Left about the beginning. Thus, the best result for this round is a tie.