[1] A minor variant of this poem appears in Kokinshū (I: 60), attributed to Ki no Tomonori.
[2] A variant of this poem appears in Shūishū (I: 75) with the headnote ‘Topic unknown’: 年の内はみな春ながらくれななん花見てだにもうきよすぐさん toshi no uchi wa / mina haru nagara / kure na nan / hana mite dani mo / ukiyo sugusan ‘Within the year / All is springtime, but / I would it reach its eve, for / Even seeing blossoms / Makes this fleeting world pass by.’
In judgement: although the Left’s poem sounds a little over-familiar, it certainly does have conception. The Right’s poem does sound smooth, but the origin poem has ‘Forget me not’ (wasuru na yo) – and this has ‘I will not forget’ (wasurezu yo) – the origin poem has ‘for distant as the clouds’ (hodo wa kumoi ni) – and this has ‘how far beyond the clouds’ (iku kumoi to wa); and ‘as the moon across the skies’ (sora yuku tsuki no) is identical, so the only part which as been changed is ‘I shall return – ‘til then’ (meguri au made). It is only to be expected that it would sound good, given that it presents much of the same material in the same order. The Left should win.