uwaba fuku ashita no hara no akikaze ni onore utsurou hagi no shitazuyu
Blowing upon the upper leaves Over Ashita Plain, The autumn breeze touches, Fading all of itself The dripping dew upon the bush clover.
Tomoshige 63
Right
今よりはたが涙とか成りぬらん下葉色づく秋萩の露
ima yori wa ta ga namida to ka narinuran shitaba irozuku akihagi no tsuyu
From now on Whose tears might They become? Colouring the underleaves Are dewdrops upon the autumn bush clover…[1]
Dharma Master Zenshin 64
Left and Right are in the same style. The Right’s poem wonders ‘whose are these tears’ and has a person’s tears as the dew upon the grass, which is something one often hears. Using dew on the grass as a person’s tears is a bit vague, yet it’s not going so far as to be a definite fault. These should tie.
[1] An allusive variation on: Topic unknown. あきはぎのしたば色づく今よりやひとりある人のいねがてにする akihagi no / shitaba irozuku / ima yori ya / hitori aru hito no / inegatenisuru ‘The autumn bush clover’s / Underleaves are colouring / From this point on, / For one all alone / Will sleep be harder to find?’ Anonymous (KKS IV: 220)
fuyugare ni utsuroi nokoru shiragiku wa uwaba ni okeru shimo ka to zo miru
Sere in winter, Faded and lingering A white chrysanthemum as, Fallen upon its upper leaves, Frost does appear, perhaps?
Lord Morikata 39
Right
露じもの暁置きのあさごとに移ひまさるしらぎくの花
tsuyujimo no akatsuki oki no asa goto ni utsuroi masaru shiragiku no hana
Frosty dewdrops With the dawn fall—arising Every morning Fading fairer become The white chrysanthemum blooms.
Lord Michitsune 40
Toshiyori states: I have the feeling that I have never heard the expression ‘sere in winter’, and I certainly have no recollection of it being in the Collection of a Myriad Leaves. The poem of the Right is smooth and extremely charming; I’m very familiar with the expression ‘dew fallen in the morning when I arise’, and here there seems to be some reason for it, doesn’t there! Still, the first poem is better.
Mototoshi states: the expression ‘faded and lingering’ is difficult to distinguish. In addition, saying ‘Fallen upon [the flower’s] upper leaves, / Frost’ is a severe misjudgment. The poem of the Right has the tautology ‘with the dawn fall’ and then ‘every morning’. Clearly neither of these appears to win or lose, so I make this a tie.
