The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left just remark that the Right’s use of ‘even’ (dani aru) is ‘poor’ [yokarazu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Despite the Left starting their poem with ‘dwelling in the mountains’ (yamazato wa), even if it is on a winter morning, where must it take place? It must be at a riverside estate, or village. In addition, the only element of the conception of morning, is ‘crossing the river in the morning’ (asa kawa wataru). I do wonder about the sound of ‘even, has frozen’ (kōri dani aru), but the snow in the morning is more moving and charming [aware mo okashiku mo] than the Left’s mere sound of horses’ hooves on ice, so the Right’s is the better poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘Peak, crowding clouds go scudding by’ (mine no murakumo fukimayoi) sounds fine [yoroshiku kikoyuru], but preceding it with ‘About this mountain’ (kono yama no) is something I find myself particularly unable to accept, as I wonder to which mountain the poem refers. ‘Would it be like this? Sweeping on’ (kakaramashi ya wa uchiharau) connects well with what comes before and after it and sounds tasteful, more or less [nani to naku yū ni kikoehaberu]. The Right must win.
Neither team finds any fault with the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Sleet, today, falling as on the ancient estate’ (kyō mo mizore no furu sato wa), preceding ‘on Yoshino mountain did snows fall once’, reflects the conception of ‘Where once I lived, to the mount of Yoshino was so close’ (Furusato Fa yosino no yama si tikakereba) and seems splendid [ito yoroshiku miehabere]. The Right’s ‘How lonely it is here within the mountains’ (sabishikarikeru yama no oku kana) as a final section is most acceptable in terms of style [mottomo shokisubeki no tei], but the initial ‘leaves mixed in’ (konoha kokimaze) sounds as if this had been done with some human hand. Thus, the Left with matched initial and final sections, must win.
The Right state that ‘a fresh green grove’ (aogidachi) in the Left’s poem is difficult to accept [kikinikushi].The Left wonder what is meant by ‘Such satisfaction in their hues, there seems to be!’ (wa ga mono kao ni iro no miyuran).
Shunzei’s judgement: With regard to the Left’s poem, the cool of summer is usually evoked by phrases such as ‘the shade of the cedars by the Barrier springs’, or ‘’neath the pines growing by waters flowing from the rocks’, and so one wonders why a fresh green grove of oaks has been used. When the focus [mune] in a poem is autumn leaves, using ‘yet’ (nao) suggests that the poet has something else in mind. The Right’s poem is charming in conception [kokoro wa okashiku kikoyuru], but ‘lodging’ (yado ka) as a piece of diction is insufficiently heartfelt [kotoba no shokisubekarazu]. However, the Left’s poem is lacks sufficient feeling throughout [kotogoto ni kanshinserarezu]. Thus, I make the Right the winner.
yama tōki
kadota no sue wa
kiri harete
honami ni shizumu
ariake no tsuki
By the distant mountains,
At the farthest reach of fields before my gates,
The mists are clearing, and
Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears is
The dawntime moon…
The Right simply say that the Left’s poem is ‘good’. The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘dawntime moon’ (ariake no tsuki) and the Right’s ‘early evening moon’ are both deeply moving; the Left, continuing with ‘at the farthest reach of fields before my gates, the mists are clearing’ (kadota no sue wa kiri harete) is particularly fine, I feel. ‘Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears’ (honami ni shizumu) is certainly technically proficient, and yet lacks a certain profundity. And yet, the initial ‘By the distant mountains’ (yama tōki) show a true depth. It should win.
The Right state the Left’s poem has nothing problematic about it. The Left wonder whether there is any evidence that cicadas move in response to wind.
Shunzei remarks, ‘The Right’s poem is, indeed, lacking in evidence. However, could it not be that cicadas would feel a sense of danger from the wind and move to a tree’s lower leaves? The Left’s poem is elegant, though, and must win.’