春山の霧に惑へる鴬も我れにまさりて物思はめやも
| paru yama no kiri ni madoperu ugupisu mo ware ni masarite mono’omopame ya mo |
In the springtime mountains’ Mists astray Is the bush-warbler More than I Lost in gloomy thought? |
Tag Archives: kiri
MYS III: 325
Autumn II: 23
Left (Win).
いづ方へ羽かく鴫の立ちぬらんまだ明やらぬ霧の迷ひに
| izukata e hane kaku shigi no tachinuran mada akeyaranu kiri no mayoi ni |
From where is it that The snipes’ wing-beats Do come? With no daybreak yet, They are lost amidst the mists… |
405
Right.
ほのかにも鴫の羽音ぞ聞ゆなる殘ことなき秋の寢覺に
| honoka ni mo shigi no haoto zo kikoyunaru nokoro koto naki aki no nezame ni |
Faintly Snipes’ wing-beats Do I hear; A flurry of thoughts On waking in autumn… |
406
Neither Left nor Right has any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: Although both poems seem without fault, ‘a flurry of thoughts’ (nokoru koto naki) suggests all the sorrows of autumn, but the initial part of the poem states that all the poet can hear is the snipes’ wing-beats – and nothing else – so there is a disagreement in what the poem is expressing. I do wonder about the initial line of the Left’s poem, but it should win.
Autumn II: 18
Left (Win).
山遠き門田の末は霧晴て穂波に沈む有明の月
| yama tōki kadota no sue wa kiri harete honami ni shizumu ariake no tsuki |
By the distant mountains, At the farthest reach of fields before my gates, The mists are clearing, and Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears is The dawntime moon… |
395
Right.
夕月夜ほのめく影も哀なり稲葉の風は袖に通ひて
| yūzukuyo honomeku kage mo awarenari inaba no kaze wa sode ni kayoite |
The autumn evening moon’s Faint light is Moving, indeed; The wind upon the rice-stalks Passing o’er my sleeves… |
396
The Right simply say that the Left’s poem is ‘good’. The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘dawntime moon’ (ariake no tsuki) and the Right’s ‘early evening moon’ are both deeply moving; the Left, continuing with ‘at the farthest reach of fields before my gates, the mists are clearing’ (kadota no sue wa kiri harete) is particularly fine, I feel. ‘Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears’ (honami ni shizumu) is certainly technically proficient, and yet lacks a certain profundity. And yet, the initial ‘By the distant mountains’ (yama tōki) show a true depth. It should win.
Autumn II: 7
Left (Win).
秋はなを霧の靡に鹿鳴て花も露けき夕なりけり
| aki wa nao kiri no nabiki ni shika nakite hana mo tsuyukeki yū narikeri |
It truly is autumn – Through the fluttering mist Comes the belling of a stag, and The blooms, too, are dew-drenched At even time… |
373
Right.
哀をばいかにせよとて入會の聲うち添ふる鹿の音ならん
| aware o ba ika ni seyo tote iriai no koe uchi souru shika no ne naran |
More sad Than this there’s nothing! The evening bell Tolling, accompanied by The belling of a stag. |
374
The Right wonder, ‘In the expression “the blooms, too”, what does the “too” (mo) connect with? In addition, simply finishing the poem “At even time” (yū narikeri) shows a lack of conception.’ The Left counter that, ‘In the Right’s poem, expressions such as “more sad” (aware o ba) and “the belling of a stag” (shika no ne naran) are feeble. In addition, what of having iriai (“evening [bell]”), without explicitly including “bell” (kane)?’
Shunzei’s judgement: While I do wonder about the expression, ‘at even time’, with the inclusion of ‘too’ in the phrase ‘the blooms, too’, there is the impression of unspoken emotional overtones to the poem. The configuration of the first phrase, too, is particularly tasteful. As for the Right’s poem, it is not the case that iriai must always be accompanied by kane (‘bell’) – one can hear the bell in the phrase. However, overall, the Left’s poem gives a stronger impression, and so wins.