Left (Win).
時しもあれ寢覺の空に鴫立て秋のあはれをかき集むらん
| toki shimo are nezame no sora ni shigi tachite aki no aware o kakiatsumuran |
It always seems that On waking, to the skies The snipe are starting; All of autumn’s sorrows Do they sweep together… |
401
Right.
明けぬとや同じ心に急ぐらん門田の鴫も今ぞ羽かく
| akenu to ya onaji kokoro ni isoguran kadota no shigi mo ima zo hane kaku |
Is it that with the dawn, Just as I, They must make speed? The snipe outwith my gates Are now their wings a’beating. |
402
The Right state, ‘Though the Left’s “Do they sweep together” (kakiatsumuran) was used in older compositions, it does not sound good.’ The Left reply, ‘Why have the Right used “make speed” (isogu), when the topic of the poem is not “Travel”?’
Shuzei’s judgement: ‘The Left’s poem on “Snipe” has the lines All of autumn’s sorrows do they sweep together” (aki no aware o kakiatsumuran), and this is more redolent of hunters gathering bedding, or fisher-folk gathering seaweed for salt, however, the point about the Right’s use of “the snipe outwith my gates”, despite the topic not being “Travel”, “just as I they must make speed”, is very well made. The Left wins by a hair.’