Lingering Heat (残暑)
秋風の荻の葉はわくるおとはしてまだころもでのあつくも有るかな
| akikaze no ogi no ha wakuru oto wa shite mada koromode no atsuku mo aru kana | The autumn breeze Parting fronds of silver grass I hear; Yet my sleeves Are heavy with heat… |
Higo
Tag Archives: koromode
Sanboku kikashū II: 315
MYS X: 2165
MYS X: 2174
Love I: 19
Left.
なかなかにみるめばかりは難くとも遂にあふみの海と頼めよ
| nakanaka ni mirume bakari wa katakutomo tsui ni aumi no umi to tanomeyo |
‘Tis not enough to Merely catch a glimpse of you; ‘Tis hard, but Finally for a meeting By the sea must be my hope. |
637
Right (Win).
漁り火のほの見てしより衣手に磯邊の浪の寄せぬ日ぞなき
| isaribi no honomiteshi yori koromode ni isobe no nami no yosenu hi zo naki |
Since by fisher fires Dim light I glimpsed you, Upon my sleeves Waves upon a rocky shore Have broken, every day. |
638
Both teams say the other team’s poem sounds ‘extremely cliched’ [furikusaritari].
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The gentlemen of both sides have stated that the opposing poem sounds clichéd. This is, indeed, a most perceptive judgement! Poems which use non-standard poetic diction [utakotoba ni mo aranu utadomo] often sound clichéd, do they not? However, given that the Left concludes ‘for a meeting by the sea must be my hope’ (aumi no umi to tanomeyo), it was unnecessary to mention mirume being difficult to obtain. Simply saying that it would be ‘absent’ [nashi] is what would be clichéd, surely? In any case, isaribi seems slightly superior.
Winter II: 6
Left (Tie).
雲深き嶺の朝明けのいかならん槇の戸白む雪の光に
| kumo fukaki mine no asake no ika naran maki no to shiramu yuki no hikari ni |
Deep within the clouds, Morning to the peaks must come, But how? I wonder, With whitening round my cedar door, Brightened by the snow… |
551
Right.
眺めやる衣手寒し有明の月より殘る峰の白雪
| nagameyaru koromode samushi ariake no tsuki yori nokoru mine no shirayuki |
Gazing on, How chill my sleeves; The dawntime Moon will linger less than The snowfall on the peaks… |
552
Both teams say they find the other’s poem moving.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem has ‘deep snow’ (yuki fukaki), ‘whitening round my cedar door’ (maki no to shiramu), and the Right has ‘the dawntime moon will linger less than’ (ariake no tsuki yori nokoru) – the conception and diction of both are splendid [kokoro kotoba tomo ni yoroshiku koso haberumere]. It seems to me that is exactly how winter mornings are. Thus, it is difficult to say which is better. This must be a good tie [yoki ji].
GSS VI: 302
Autumn I: 3
Left (Tie).
秋風の吹も強らぬ眞葛原夏の氣色に猶かへる哉
| aki kaze no fuki mo tsuyoranu makuzuwara natsu no keshiki ni nao kaeru kana |
The autumn wind Blows with such little strength that The field of arrowroot To its summer scene Has yet returned. |
305
Right (Tie).
秋來てもまだひとへなる衣手に厭はぬ程の風ぞ吹なる
| aki kitemo mada hitoenaru koromode ni itowanu hodo no kaze zo fukunaru |
Autumn has come, and yet For my still single-layered Sleeves There is no respite in The breath of wind |
306
The Right state, ‘The expression “little strength” (tsuyoranu) is particularly grating on the ear.’ The Left respond, ‘And what are we really to make of the expression, “no respite in the breath of wind” (itowanu hodo no kaze)? Even in “O, blow my cares away,/First breeze of Autumn!” (kokorosite Fuke aki no Fatukaze), one does not get a sense of dislike for the wind. Furthermore, the core sense of the poem seems inappropriately chilly for the topic.’
Shunzei’s judgement is that, ‘the criticisms of both teams have merit. The Left’s “little strength” is as stated. As for the spirit of the Right’s poem, does not “O, blow my cares away” (kokorosite Fuke) mean that the coolness brings no respite? While the spirit of “Lingering Heat” certainly contains the key sense that things have become slightly cooler, as I said in the last round. In any case, this round is a tie.’
Winter 49
Left (Tie).
神さびていはふ御室の年ふりて猶ゆふかくる松の白雪
| kamusabite iwau mimuro no toshi furite nao yū kakuru matsu no shirayuki |
Upon the hallowed, Celebrated shrine Year piles on year; Even now sacred cords hang, Like snow upon the pines. |
97
Right
ながめやる衣手さむく降雪にゆふやみしらぬ山の端の月
| nagameyaru koromode samuku furu yuki ni yūyami shiranu yama no ha no tsuki |
Gazing into space My sleeves grow chill With fallen snow; The dark of night is all unknown, The moon on the distant mountains’ edge. |
98