Spring II: 26

Left.

この世には心とめじと思ふまにながめぞはてぬ春のあけぼの

kono yo ni wa
kokoro tomeji to
omou ma ni
nagame zo hatenu
haru no akebono
From this world
I’ll sever all ties,
I vow, yet
I cannot, while gazing on
The dawn in springtime.

Kenshō.

111

Right (Win).

何となく心うきぬるひとり寢に明ぼのつらき春の色哉

nani to naku
kokoro ukinuru
hitorine ni
akebono tsuraki
haru no iro kana
For some reason
My heart’s unquiet;
In solitary sleep,
Comes the dawn with spiteful
Springtime hues…

Lord Takanobu.

112

The Right state that, ‘it does not seem as if much thought has been given to the placement of “the dawn in springtime” (haru no akebono). Given that it appears in the topic, why build up to it in such a roundabout way?’ The Left, however, have no comments to make on the Right’s poem.

Shunzei, however, states, ‘The Gentlemen of the Right’s statement of about the lack of thought given to “dawn” (akebono) is not reasonable. Even in topics which combine more than one element (musubidai 結題) , it has been said that there are characters which express these indirectly (mawasu moji まはす文字). In topics such as “Spring Dawn”, to fail to clearly mention it suggests nothing more than ignorance of composition. The use of “while” (ma ni), however, is a clear fault, and the Right’s poem is thus definitely superior.’

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