Left (Win).
ほのかなる霞の末の荒小田に河づも春の暮れ恨むなり
| honokanaru kasumi no sue no araoda ni kawazu mo haru no kure uramunari |
Faintly Through the haze upon The unplanted paddy fields The frogs, too, spring’s Passing mourn. |
161
Right.
みがくれて井手の河づはすだけども浪のうへにぞ聲は聞ゆる
| migakurete ide no kawazu wa sudakedomo nami no ue ni zo koe wa kikoyuru |
Hidden in the waters, The frogs of Ide Swarm, yet Across the waves Come their cries. |
162
The Right wonder about the appropriateness of ‘through the haze upon’ (kasumi no sue), while the Left content themselves with saying the Right’s poem is ‘trite.’
Shunzei states that, ‘“Through the haze upon the unplanted paddy fields” (kasumi no sue no araoda) is a particularly desolate image, but I do wonder if it’s appropriate here. “Hidden in the waters, the frogs of Ide swarm” (migakurete ide no kawazu) certainly sounds as if it were based on a prior example, but I find myself unable to recall it at present. Having both “across the waves” (nami no ue) and “the frogs of Ide” (ide no kawazu), however, is excessive. The left seems the winner.’