Round Twenty

Left

たびねするいそのとまやのむらしぐれあはれをなみのうちそへてける

tabinesuru iso no tomaya no murashigure aware o nami no utchisoetekeru

Dozing on my travels In a sedge-thatched hut upon the rocky shore, The cloudbursts’ Sadness with that of the waves Is laced.

Lord Sane’ie
89

Right (Win)

もりもあへずまだきにぬるるたもとかなこずゑしぐるるまつのしたぶし

mori mo aezu mada ki ni nururu tamoto kana kozue shigururu matsu no shitabushi

No drips Yet have come to my soaking Sleeves— The treetops showered, as Beneath the pines I lay me down.

Atsuyori
90

The Left’s sound of the waves ‘In a sedge-thatched hut upon the rocky shore… Sadness with that of the waves / Is laced’ does, indeed, convey an inference of sadness, but the concluding ‘is laced’ sounds a bit inappropriate. The Right’s conception and configuration, too, are extremely charming. ‘Beneath the pines I lay me down’ is, I think, a novel construction—although I do get the impression that that it sounds like something which has prior precedent. Still, saying ‘No drips / Have yet come to my soaking’ and then ‘The treetops showered, as / Beneath the pines’ means that the sound conveys the loneliness as it truly is. Thus, again, the Right wins.