Tag Archives: tomaya

Naidaijin-ke uta’awase 10

Round Ten

Left (T – Tie)

波よする蜑の苫やのひまをあらみもるにてぞしるよはのしぐれは

nami yosuru
ama no tomaya no
hima o arami
moru nite zo shiru
yowa no shigure wa
Waves break near
A sedge-thatched hut’s
Crude gaps
The leaks reveal
A midnight shower…

Lord Tadafusa
19

Right (M – Win)

ゆふ月よいるさの山の高根よりはるかにめぐる初しぐれかな

yūzukuyo
irusa no yama no
takane yori
haruka ni meguru
hatsushigure kana
On a moonlit night
From Irusa Mountain’s
High peak
In the distance circles
A first shower!

Lord Kanemasa
20

Toshiyori states: in the first poem, the shower sounds chilly! A shower is not something that one hears after getting up at dawn, yet this poem says that one first gets to know about it from the leaks, it seems that the poet has gone to bed, been leaked on, had his garments soaked and then got up and made a fuss. If he has not been leaked upon is this something he heard from someone else the following day? It really is very unclear. There’s a poem ‘Together with me / On my mountain pilgrimage’ which refers to showers falling on this mountain. The poem here refers to the same peak, so it sounds as if it’s referring to monks going around. Is that what it’s about? I am not just finding fault for the sake of it—these poems are unclear. As there’s only so much that can be understood from hearing them, they should tie.

Mototoshi states: one can compose about a shower falling anywhere and there’s no need to bring up a fisherman’s sedge-thatch hut, is there! Furthermore, one gets to know about a shower from the sound of it falling constantly on something like a roof of cedar boards, surely? Would one really be startled by rain of varying intensity falling soundlessly in spring? As for the poem of the Right, while it does not display a playfulness which would please the eye, ‘In the distance circles / A first shower’ is a bit better in the current context.

Sumiyoshi-sha uta’awase kaō ni-nen 45

Round Twenty

Left

たびねするいそのとまやのむらしぐれあはれをなみのうちそへてける

tabinesuru
iso no tomaya no
murashigure
aware o nami no
utchisoetekeru
Dozing on my travels
In a sedge-thatched hut upon the rocky shore,
The cloudbursts’
Sadness with that of the waves
Is laced.

Lord Sane’ie
89

Right (Win)

もりもあへずまだきにぬるるたもとかなこずゑしぐるるまつのしたぶし

mori mo aezu
mada ki ni nururu
tamoto kana
kozue shigururu
matsu no shitabushi
No drips
Yet have come to my soaking
Sleeves—
The treetops showered, as
Beneath the pines I lay me down.

Atsuyori
90

The Left’s sound of the waves ‘In a sedge-thatched hut upon the rocky shore… Sadness with that of the waves / Is laced’ does, indeed, convey an inference of sadness, but the concluding ‘is laced’ sounds a bit inappropriate. The Right’s conception and configuration, too, are extremely charming. ‘Beneath the pines I lay me down’ is, I think, a novel construction—although I do get the impression that that it sounds like something which has prior precedent. Still, saying ‘No drips / Have yet come to my soaking’ and then ‘The treetops showered, as / Beneath the pines’ means that the sound conveys the loneliness as it truly is. Thus, again, the Right wins.