Left.
山里は朝川渡る駒の音に瀬々の氷の程を知るかな
| yamazato wa asakawa wataru koma no oto ni seze no kōri no hodo o shiru kana |
Dwelling in the mountains, Crossing the river in the morning, The horses’ footfalls Upon the ice within the shallows Tells to me its depth… |
541
Right (Win).
谷河の氷るだにある山里に人も音せぬ今朝の白雪
| tanikawa no kōru dani aru yamazato ni hito mo oto senu kesa no shirayuki |
The streamlet, Even, has frozen At my mountain home; No folks’ footfalls On this snow-white morning… |
542
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left just remark that the Right’s use of ‘even’ (dani aru) is ‘poor’ [yokarazu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Despite the Left starting their poem with ‘dwelling in the mountains’ (yamazato wa), even if it is on a winter morning, where must it take place? It must be at a riverside estate, or village. In addition, the only element of the conception of morning, is ‘crossing the river in the morning’ (asa kawa wataru). I do wonder about the sound of ‘even, has frozen’ (kōri dani aru), but the snow in the morning is more moving and charming [aware mo okashiku mo] than the Left’s mere sound of horses’ hooves on ice, so the Right’s is the better poem.