Love IV: 10

Left.
朝戸出の妹が振りこす黒髪は見るよそ目さへ心亂れぬ

asa tode no
imo ga furikosu
kurokami wa
miru yosome sae
kokoro midarenu
In the morning, opening the door
Draped with my love’s
Tresses of black:
The sight any
Heart would excite!

Kenshō.
799

Right.
立ちかへり惜しみし袖の移り香をよそにも今は思こそやれ

tachikaeri
oshimishi sode no
utsuriga o
yoso ni mo ima wa
omoi koso yare
Reluctant
To leave, upon my sleeves
Her scent was left, and
Now, so far away,
It recalls her still…

Jakuren.
800

The Right state: the Left’s poem is pretentious. The Left state: the conception of morning fails to appear in the Right’s poem.

In judgement: Although the Left’s ‘tresses of black’ (kurokami) is used extremely frequently, the configuration of combining it with ‘my love, opening the door in the morning’ (asa tode no imo) whose ‘sight any heart would excite’ (miru yosome sae kokoro midare) is terrifying, is it not? The Right’s ‘upon my sleeves her scent was left’ (sode no utsuriga) does not sound objectionable. Although the conception of morning there is lacking, the Left simply has ‘tresses of black’ the ‘heart would excite’, which does not sound particularly in keeping with Love so, overall, the round should tie.

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