Tag Archives: Jakuren

Love VI: 18

Left (Win).
さらでだに恨みんと思ふ我妹子が衣の裾に秋風ぞ吹く

sarade dani
uramin to omou
wagimoko ga
koromo no suso ni
akikaze zo fuku
That is not it, yet even so,
I do think to hate
My darling girl,
Her robe hem
Blown by the autumn wind…

Lord Ari’ie.
935

Right.
いかなれば露をば払ふ風の音に物思ふ袖の濡れまさるらん

ika nareba
tsuyu o harau
kaze no oto ni
mono’omou sode no
nuremasaruran
For some reason
Dewdrops blown by
The wind – the mere sound
Brings to my gloomy sleeves
A dampness most extreme…

Jakuren.
936

The Right state: the Left’s poem is most admirable. The Left state: the Right’s poem is definitely not!

In judgement: to give the gist of the comments by the Gentlemen of the Left and the Right, the Left’s poem is admirable, and the Right’s poem is not admirable at all. I see no need to make much more of this round that that, so, the Left wins.

Love VI: 8

Left.
戀すれば心も空に浮雲の思ひしづむる方なかりけり

koisureba
kokoro mo sora ni
ukigumo no
omoishizumuru
kata nakarikeri
When one is in love
The heart, with the skies
Drifting clouds
Does find some calm
In no way at all.

Lord Suetsune.
915

Right (Win).
人しれぬ恨みは空の雲なれやつもれば袖の雨と降るらん

hito shirenu
urami wa sora no
kumo nare ya
tsumoreba sode no
ame to fururan
Unknown to her
My despite: within the sky
A cloud has it become?
Mounting up, then from my sleeves
As rain will fall, indeed!

Jakuren.
916

Left and Right together state: these are fine.

In judgement: both poems’ initial sections have nothing between them in terms of strengths or faults. Of the latter sections, ‘mounting up, then from my sleeves’ (tsumoreba sode no) is pleasant. Again, the Right should win.

Love VI: 2

Left.
いかでなを戀しき人を山の端に待ち出で見る月と思はん

ikade nao
koshiki hito o
yama no ha ni
machi’ide miru
tsuki to omowan
Somehow
Awaiting the one I love is
From the mountains’ edge
Awaiting a glimpse
Of the emerging moon, I feel…

Lord Kanemune.
903

Right (Win).
雨降れとわびてもいかが秋の夜の月ゆへならで人を待べき

ame fure to
wabite mo ikaga
aki no yo no
tsuki yue narade
hito o matsubeki
Let the rain fall!
For what is my sorrow?
On this autumn night
If there were no moon
Would I await his coming?

Jakuren.
904

The Right state: the Left’s poem lacks any deep meaning. The Left state: we find no faults to mention.

In judgement: this round I will leave comment to the Gentlemen of both teams, and so make the Right the winner.

Love V: 29

Left (Tie).
象潟や妹戀ひしらにさ寢る夜の磯の寢覺に月傾きぬ

kisakata ya
koishirani
sanuru yo no
iso no nezame ni
tsuki katabukinu
In Kisakata and
In love;
I sleep the night away, and
Awaking on the rocky shore
Behold the moon descending.

Kenshō
897

Right.
清見潟岩敷く袖の浪の上に思ふもわびし君が面影

kiyomigata
iwa shiku sode no
nami no ue ni
omou mo wabishi
kimi ga omokage
At Kiyomigata
Sleeves spread atop the rocks,
Waves breaking atop them;
Heart filled with pain
At the memory of your face…

Jakuren
898

Left and Right both state that the opposing poem is pretentious.

In judgement: the Left’s poem seems well-constructed in its initial and final sections. However, as in Mototoshi’s poem long ago, ‘breaking a stem of miscanthus on the beach at Ise’, this seems to be a case of poetic allusion. The Right’s ‘Sleeves spread atop the rocks, waves breaking atop them’ (iwa shiku sode no nami no ue) seems to have been newly composed and seems elegant, but the final section is somewhat inferior. The Left has beginning and end matching. The Right has a superior initial section, but an inferior final one. Thus, the round ties.

 

Love V: 22

Left (Tie).
涙せく袖のよそめは竝べどもわすれずやともいふひまぞなき

namida seku
sode no yosome wa
narabedomo
wasurezu ya to mo
iu hima zo naki
Tears are dammed upon
My sleeves, and within eyesight
Does she sit arrayed, but
‘Have you not forgotten me?’ –
To ask that, I have no chance!

Lord Sada’ie
883

Right.
梅が枝の末越す中の垣根より思ふ心や色に見えまし

ume ga e no
sue kosu naka no
kakine yori
omou kokoro ya
iro ni miemashi
The plum branches’
Tips cross beyond
Her fence, so
Will the love within my heart
Appear plain before her?

Jakuren
884

Both teams state there are no faults with their opponent’s poem.

In judgement: the Gentlemen of both Left and Right have stated that there are no faults with the style of either poem. I accept that and will make this round a tie.

Love V: 17

Left (Win).
悲しきは境異なる中として亡き玉までもよそに浮かれん

kanashiki wa
sakai kotonaru
naka to shite
naki tama made mo
yoso ni ukaren
How sad it is:
Beyond the borders of this life
Should our bond endure
Even your departed soul
So distant, would I trail after…

Lord Sada’ie
873

Right.
忘れずよ幾雲井とは知らねども空行月の契ばかりは

wasurezu yo
iku kumoi to wa
shiranedomo
sora yuku tsuki no
chigiri bakari wa
I will not forget!
How far beyond the clouds you are
I know not, yet
As the moon across the skies,
Is my simple vow to you…

Jakuren
874

Left and Right: no faults to mention.

In judgement: although the Left’s poem sounds a little over-familiar, it certainly does have conception. The Right’s poem does sound smooth, but the origin poem has ‘Forget me not’ (wasuru na yo) – and this has ‘I will not forget’ (wasurezu yo) – the origin poem has ‘for distant as the clouds’ (hodo wa kumoi ni) – and this has ‘how far beyond the clouds’ (iku kumoi to wa); and ‘as the moon across the skies’ (sora yuku tsuki no) is identical, so the only part which as been changed is ‘I shall return – ‘til then’ (meguri au made). It is only to be expected that it would sound good, given that it presents much of the same material in the same order. The Left should win.

Love V: 9

Left.
思わく心も知らぬよそ人はまだいとけなき音とや聞く覧

omoiwaku
kokoro mo shiranu
yosobito wa
mada itokenaki
oto ya kikuran
An understanding
Of my heart is lacking, so
All those strangers
Still like a child
Do speak to me – that must be why!

Lord Kanemune.
857

Right (Win).
何となく遊び馴れぬる筒井つの影離れ行く音のみ泣かれて

nani to naku
asobinarenuru
tsutsuitsu no
kage hanareyuku
ne nomi nakarete
Simply
Was I used to playing, but
From the pipe-well
Our reflected faces have grown distant, so
I do but weep and sob…

Jakuren.
858

The Right state: the Left’s poem seems a bit too young. The Left state: ‘Simply was I used to playing’ (nani to naku asobinarenuru) seems rather prosaic diction.

In judgement: although the latter part of the Left’s poem and the initial section of the Right’s are both pleasant, the Left’s use of ‘speak’ (oto) feels unnecessary. The latter section of the Right’s poem seems particularly good. It should win.

 

Love V: 6

Left (Win).
あか月にあらぬ別も今はとて我が世ふくれば添ふ思ひかな

akatsuki ni
aranu wakare mo
ima wa tote
wa ga yo fukureba
sou omoi kana
At dawn
This parting is not;
Now it is
When my life reaches twilight –
I think…

Lord Sada’ie.
851

Right.
翁さび身は惜しからぬ戀衣今はと濡れん人なとがめそ

okina sabi
mi wa oshikaranu
koigoromo
ima wa to nuren
hito na togame so
Feeling like an ancient,
But I regret it not!
My loving clothes:
Now’s the time to dampen them
But blame me not!

Jakuren.
852

The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to mention. The Left state: we wonder about the appropriateness of ‘now’s the time to dampen them’ (ima wa to nuren).

In judgement: ‘Feeling like an ancient’ (okina sabi) ‘now’s the time to dampen them’ (ima wa to nuren) does not sound like it fits formally with ‘but I regret it not!’ (mi wa oshikaranu). The Left, in addition to sounding like it has no faults, has ‘this parting is not; now it is’ (aranu wakare mo ima wa tote), which certainly sounds right. It is superior.