Round Seven

Left (Tie)

すみよしとあとたれそめしそのかみに月やかはらぬこよひなるらむ

sumiyoshi to atotaresomeshi sono kami ni tsuki ya kawaranu koyoi naruramu

At Sumiyoshi Did He first manifest Surely when above, The moon differed not From this night…

Kojijū, in service to the Empress Dowager[1]
13

Right

あきらけきかみのこころやたぐふらむほかよりもけにすめる月かな

akirakeki kami no kokoro ya taguuramu hoka yori mo ke ni sumeru tsuki kana

So bright is The Deity’s heart that, surely Close by clings More than anywhere, indeed, The moon, so clear!

Lord Fujiwara no Sanemori
Supernumerary Middle Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Right Division
Exalted Senior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade[2]
14

The Left’s ‘Did He first manifest / Surely when above’ appears pleasant, but the diction of the latter part of the poem does not sound as if it does justice to the topic. The Right’s conception and diction sound as if they match the topic of the moon over the shrine, but I would have preferred a bit more technique than is in the line ‘More than anywhere, indeed’. Thus, as both contain faults the round ties once more.

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[1] Taikōtaigōgū Kojijū太皇太后宮小侍従

[2] Shōyon’ige-gyō ukonoe gonchūjō Fujiwara ason Sanemori 正四位下行右近衛権中将藤原朝臣実守