The Right state that, ‘If it were ‘dewdrops flung by the wind’ (tsuyu wa kaze ni koboreshi), the conception [kokoro] of the Left’s poem would be easier to understand.’ The Left respond that, ‘The meanings of both are identical. However, in the Right’s poem it is not clear what the ‘last leaf’ (sueba) is.’
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The Right’s poem, in addition to the expression ‘autumn’s last leaf’ having no clear referent, shows a weakness of conception [kokoro sukunaku kikoyu] with ‘looking at the moon’ (tsuki mireba). The Left, progressing from, ‘bound with frost’ (shimo musubu) to ‘leaf tips’ (sueba) and then ‘dwarf-bamboo grove’ (ozasawara) sounds most fine [yoroshiku kikokyu]. Thus, the Left must win.
Neither team finds any fault with the other’s poem this round and say as much.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘frost’ (shimo) on the ‘arrow-bamboo groves in Noji’ (noji no shinohara) is certainly elegant [yū ni wa haberubeshi]. The Right’s ‘frost fallen on the flowers’ (hana ni oku shimo) is, too; although there is no difference in formal quality [uta no sama wa ikuhodo sabetsu naku] between them, ‘frost fallen on the flowers’ at ‘dawn’ (akebono) is more arresting [midokoro ya haberu] than ‘arrow-bamboo groves’.
The Right say, ‘It sounds as if the Left cannot see frost, unless it’s on a mandarin duck’s down!’
The Left respond, ‘There is the poem ‘the down-clad ducks come to my mind’ (kamo no uwage o omoi koso yare). If one composes a poem about one thing, that’s what one is composing about. As for what the Right have to say in their poem, if one is listening to a cricket’s chirp, how can it be withering away? Dubious! [fushin]’
Shunzei’s judgement: I must say I am doubtful myself about saying frosty dewfall changes the colour of ‘mandarin duckdown’ (oshi no kegoromo). In the Right’s poem, saying, ‘the cricket’s chirp’ (kirigirisu no koe) ‘the withered fields become’ (kareno ni nari ya shinuran) sounds as if one cannot hear it at all. The Left’s use of ‘dew’ (tsuyu), too, seems pointless. The Right has an elegant [yū naru] initial section, but the diction in the final section is dubious [shūku no kotoba fushin ni kikoyu]. I make the round a tie.
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left say that they do not feel the Right’s poem quite expresses all that it attempts to do.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Long life’s blessings to this house’ (haru aki ni tomeru yado ni wa) must be a reference to the Hall of Longevity. What does ‘in pale blue haze adrift’ (kasumi no iro ni ukabu) mean, though? Even though sake is referred to as ‘flowing haze’, to simply say ‘in pale blue haze’ suggests that one is really referring to haze, itself. Left and Right have strengths and weaknesses and there is no clear difference between them.
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left query the usage of ‘from all around’ (atari made).
Shunzei’s judgement: The Right’s poem would certainly appear to have an in-depth grasp of the conception of the topic [makoto ni kokoro komorige ni miete], however, my shallow understanding is unable to follow it; besides which the Left’s ‘to the grass beneath the sacred boughs has autumn come!’ (mori no shitagusa aki fukenikeri) is most fine [yoroshiku habereba], so I have no need for further consideration and make the Left the winner.
The Right ask whether the Left can cite a poem as a precedent for the expression ‘oak tree, at the crag-foot’ (iwamoto hahaso). The Left respond that they cannot bring one to mind immediately. However, ‘crag-foot’ is often used about a range of plants of various kinds. Thus, where is the fault in using it? The Left have no criticisms to make of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: It is not particularly important whether there is a precedent for the Left’s use of ‘oak tree, at the crag-foot’ [shōka no yūmu ni oyobubekarazu]. The final section, ‘has its first scarlet leaf’(hatsu momijiseri), however, given that what comes before is a standard poem [tsune no uta], is somewhat over-explicit [niwaka ni kotogotoshiku haberumere]. The Right’s poem has nothing particular to say. Starting with ‘Yamashina’ sounds overly blunt [amari ni tashika ni kikoetaru]. In addition, the final section displays no deep thought [munen narubeshi]. So, again, the round is a tie.
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem. The Left state that they find ‘gather’ (kozoru) ‘grating on the ear’ [kikiyokarazu] and ‘clumsy’ [tezutsu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Starting a poem with ‘It’s Autumn!’ is a usage of diction which I must hope will be considered charming [kotobazukai okashikaran to shokiseru narubeshi]! The Right’s ‘treetops gather’ (kozue ni kozoru) is somewhat unexpected wording [sukoshi wa omoikakenu kotoba ni wa haberedo], yet one cannot call it ‘clumsy’. So, with nothing superlative or at fault with either poem, the round ties.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both Left and Right seem superb in form and diction [sugata kotoba wa yoroshiku miehaberu], but the Right’s ‘cogon-grass grows’ (asaji tatsu) is pretentious [yauyaushiku], and I wonder what to make [ikaga to oboehaberu] of the final ‘wet with constant showers’ (uchishiguretsutsu), but the conception [kokoro] of the Left’s ‘Utsu Mountain’, with its ‘ancient ruins’ brought back to memory by ‘on the withered ivy leaves the winds of autumn a’blowing’, is particularly tasteful [en]. Thus, the Left certainly wins.
Neither Left nor Right has any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: Although both poems seem without fault, ‘a flurry of thoughts’ (nokoru koto naki) suggests all the sorrows of autumn, but the initial part of the poem states that all the poet can hear is the snipes’ wing-beats – and nothing else – so there is a disagreement in what the poem is expressing. I do wonder about the initial line of the Left’s poem, but it should win.
The Right state, ‘Though the Left’s “Do they sweep together” (kakiatsumuran) was used in older compositions, it does not sound good.’ The Left reply, ‘Why have the Right used “make speed” (isogu), when the topic of the poem is not “Travel”?’
Shuzei’s judgement: ‘The Left’s poem on “Snipe” has the lines All of autumn’s sorrows do they sweep together” (aki no aware o kakiatsumuran), and this is more redolent of hunters gathering bedding, or fisher-folk gathering seaweed for salt, however, the point about the Right’s use of “the snipe outwith my gates”, despite the topic not being “Travel”, “just as I they must make speed”, is very well made. The Left wins by a hair.’