Neither Left nor Right have any criticisms to make.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are on ‘violet chrysanthemums’, and the Left’s ‘Chrysanthemums show not their age’ (kiku wa oisenu) is elegant [yū naru], but in terms of diction [kotoba] I find myself unable to accept [shokisubekarazu] ‘hue shines out’ (iro haete). The Right’s ‘Show the shift to winter – such is their hue!’ (fuyu ni utsurou iro ni zo arikeru), sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kikoe habere] and is in line with the Theory of the Five Elements. Violet is a colour obtained by adding black to red. Thus, it is a suitable hue to place between Autumn and Winter. The Right have composed upon such a conception most naturally [sono kokoro shizen ni yomaretaru]. It seems he is most knowledgeable about the elemental turning of the seasons [go gyō no rinten o shireru ni nitari]. The poem is pleasant in conception and configuration [kokoro sugata yoroshiki]. Again, the Right should win.
The Right state that the Left’s poem is difficult to understand, and that it would have better to have had ‘unknown to all’ (shirarenu) in place of ‘I knew not’ (shiranu).The Left state that the ‘diction of the Right’s poem does not flow smoothly’ [kotoba, todokohoritari].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘alone at last’ (waketomete) is something I wonder at the meaning of, however, the final section is excellent [yoroshiku haberubeshi]. The Right’s poem appears to express the conception [kokoro aru yō ni wa haberu o], but due to the dual use of ‘flowers’ (hana), ‘chrysanthemums’ (kiku) are reduced to a hidden topic [kakushidai naru yō naru], and this sounds insufficient. The Left wins.
474
Neither Left nor Right have any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: Neither team has identified any faults with the other’s poem this round. However, the Left’s ‘The stag falls silent, and to man the end relates’ (oto sede hito ni tsuguru) is unclear, isn’t it? [obotsukanaku ya] The Right’s ‘fronds of silver-grass, unbearably’ (ogi no ha aezu) is also impossible to understand [ekokoroehaberanu]. Thus, the round must tie.
Neither team has any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei says, ‘The Left’s phrase “have dreamed on” (yume o nokoshite) is extremely good. The earlier “In the cool of evening” (yū suzumi) is a phrase often used in composition, but I dislike it. The Right’s poems is charming throughout. It should win.’
The Right team have nothing to say about the Left’s poem in this round, while the Left merely wonder whether the fact that the Right’s poem has six syllables in its middle line means that it doesn’t scan correctly.
Shunzei comments testily that fashionably using expressions with contradictory connotations, such as the ‘ancient sacred grove’ and ‘year’s youth’ is ‘platitudinous’. The Right’s poem, however, is ‘without doubt, extremely affecting’. There are many cases where lines with six or seven syllables are used in place of a five syllable one in the centre of a poem – particularly when the final line is ‘independent’, although this has yet to be ‘well understood’. So, for appropriately using this, the right deserves the victory.