Left (Win).
霜枯るゝ野原に秋の忍はれて心のうちに鹿ぞ鳴ぬる
| shimo karuru nohara ni aki no shinobarete kokoro no uchi ni shika zo nakinuru |
Burnt by frost The fields autumn Bring back to me, and Within my heart A stag cries out. |
511
Right.
鹿の音も蟲もさまざま聲絶えて霜枯はてぬ宮城野の原
| shika no oto mo mushi mo samasama koe taete shimogarehatenu miyagino no hara |
The sound of stags and All the insects varied Cries are gone; Completely burned by frost is The plain of Miyagino. |
512
The Right say that the Left’s poem is ‘fine, perhaps’ [yoroshiki ka]. The Left reply that the Right’s ‘lacks any faults.’
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are on the topic of ‘withered fields’ and the Right has a fine final section with ‘the plain of Miyagino’ (miyagino no hara), but the initial section with ‘stags’ and ‘insects’ sounds as if the poet is enumerating members of list [kazoetatetaru yō ni ya kikoyu]. The Left, with its ‘The fields autumn bring back to me’ (nohara ni aki no shinobarete), followed by ‘Within my heart a stag cries out’ (kokoro no uchi ni shika zo nakinuru), is most fine. The Left should win.