mizutori no aoba no yama ya ika naran kozue o somuru kesa no shigure ni
Waterfowl fly above Aoba Mountain— O, what is to become Of the treetops dyed By this morning’s shower?
Lord Akinaka 7
Right (T – Win)
かきくもり蜑の小ぶねにふく苫の下とほるまで時雨れしにけり
kakikumori ama no obune ni fuku toma no shita tōru made shigureshinikeri
Clouds rake in above The fisher’s tiny boat— Through its rush-woven roof And even beneath A shower has fallen.
Lord Michitsune 8
Toshiyori states: Continuing on from ‘Waterfowl fly above / Aoba Mountain’ with ‘the treetops dyed’ is simple and straightforward. The latter poem’s emphasis on the fisher’s tiny boat is an unexpected expression, yet because it is not a fault, I make this poem the winner.
Mototoshi states: saying ‘Waterfowl fly above / Aoba Mountain’ is extremely hackneyed, yet the poem of the Right has ‘Clouds rake in above / The fisher’s tiny boat— / Through its rush-woven roof’: both spring showers and summer ones, too, are not things which fall constantly, so it is difficult to believe that they could fall ‘even beneath’. So, I have to determine that a shower dyeing the treetops is a little better.
shigure ni wa iro naranu mi no sodegasa mo nurureba kaoru mono ni zo arikeru
When, amidst a shower My colourless Umbrella of sleeves Is soaked, something scented Does it become!
Lady Shōshō 5
Right (M – Win)
冬くれば散りしく庭のならの葉に時雨音なふみ山べのさと
fuyu kureba chirishiku niwa no nara no ha ni shigure oto nau miyamabe no sato
When the winter comes Scattered and spread across the grounds Are oak leaves, Sounding among the showers On this deep mountain estate…
Lord Masakane 6
Toshiyori states: the first poem has ‘my colourless’—does this mean that the garment the poet is wearing is white? Or that the speaker is lacking in passion? If the garment is white, then it’s difficult to say that it changes colours, while if one is lacking in passion, it’s also difficult to see the connection with an umbrella of sleeves being scented. In general, though, the poem’s style is lacking in fault. The second poem appears to have replicated all the faults of an earlier work. While one can certainly say ‘Oak leaves / Scattered and spread’, saying ‘Scattered and spread / Oak leaves’ gives one the feeling that something is out of sequence. This is a bit unreasonable, but because it’s difficult to avoid the faults of its earlier model, I still feel it should lose.
Mototoshi states: one really wants to know what sort of lack there is. The poem says ‘soaked, something scented’, but doesn’t reference an earlier work which, for example, mentions plum blossom. Still, I feel that ‘Sounding among the showers / On this deep mountain’ is conspicuously good.
ayashiku mo shigure ni kaeru tamoto kana ina no kasawara sashite yukedomo
How strange that From the shower I shelter Beneath my sleeves! Though into the umbrella of the dwarf-bamboo groves of Ina Is where I’m heading…
A Court Lady 3
Right
ぬるれども嬉しくもあるか紅葉ばの色増す雨の雫とおもへば
nuredomo ureshiku mo aru ka momijiba no iro masu ame no shizuku to omoeba
Soaked, yet Happy am I! For the scarlet leaves Take on brighter hues with these rain Drops, I feel…
Lord Akikuni 4
Toshiyori states: The first poem’s section on ‘the umbrella of the dwarf-bamboo groves of Ina’ is well expressed, but then is ‘shower I shelter’ referring to clothing? The second poem can be read as meaning that the speaker is happily being soaked by raindrops standing beneath scarlet leaves on one particular day, but getting drenched by any old shower, even if it’s one which stains leaves scarlet is not something that would make one happy and, sounds tedious. Both poems sound vague, so they should tie.
Mototoshi states: ‘the shower I shelter / Beneath my sleeves’ is better than ‘Happy am I!’
yomosugara arashi no oto ni taguitsutsu ko no ha to tomo ni furu shigure kana
All night long The sound of storm winds Is laced With that of leaves and Falling showers!
Lady Settsu, in service to the Empress 1
Right
おぼつかないかにしぐるる空なればうらごの山のかたみなせなる
obotsukana ika ni shigururu sora nareba urago no yama no kataminase naru
How puzzling it is! What sort of shower From the skies is it that Makes Urago Mountain Show such a thing?
Lord Toshiyori 2
Toshiyori states: While the conception and diction of the first poem are not that unusual, it appears to have no errors to indicate. The second poem’s choice of diction—using ‘show such a thing’—is vague: I wonder if when composing about this mountain that’s what one does? Nevertheless, the assembled company have stated that ‘Urago Mountain’ feels unpoetic as a piece of diction, and thus I make the Left the winner.
Mototoshi states: I feel that ‘With that of leaves and / Falling showers!’ is a moving and charming conception, but find it impossible to understand why Urago Mountain should ‘show such a thing’ in the poem of the Right! I have to say that the Left is superior.
[iv]Nyōbō女房: a sobriquet for the sponsor of the contest, Tadamichi.
[v]Akikuni ason顕国朝臣: Minamoto no Akikuni 源顕国 (1083-1121). The eldest son of Minamoto no Kunzane 源国信 (1069-1111); his mother was a daughter of Takashina no Yasunaka 高階泰仲. Like his father Akikuni served Emperor Horikawa and was eventually appointed Minor Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Left Division and Supernumerary Assistant Master of the Empress Household Office, reaching Junior Fourth Rank, Upper Grade. He was active in the poetic circles of his time and has seven poems included in imperial anthologies, starting with Kin’yōshū.
[vi]Shōshō no kimi Toshiyori no musumi kanpaku-ke nyōbō少将公俊頼朝臣女 関白家女房
[viii]Akinaka ason 顕仲朝臣: Fujiwara no Akinaka 藤原顕仲 (1059-1129). The third son of Fujiwara no Sukenaka藤原資仲 (1021-1087); his mother was a daughter of Minamoto no Tsuneyori 源経頼 (985-1039). Akinaka was adopted by Fujiwara no Moto’ie 藤原基家 (1023-1093). He had a respectable court career for minor member of the Fujiwara house, ending as an Assistant Lieutenant in the Outer Palace Guards, Left Division at Junior Fourth Rank, Lower Grade. He participated in a number of poetic events around this time, and was one of the poets for the Horikawa hyakushu.
[x]Kazusa no kimi上総公 : little is known about this court lady—neither her dates nor her family background have been recorded. All that can be said with certainty is that she was in service to Horikawa’s empress, Atsuko (Tokushi) and was active in poetic events between 1096-1124.
yamaga ni wa nara no karaba no chirishikite shigure no oto mo hageshikarikeri
In a mountain hut The withered oak leaves Scattering around and The shower’s sound is Severe, indeed!
Tamemitsu
Toshiyori’s judgement:
The poem on a mountain hut uses ‘withered oak leaves’ which sounds particularly poor; if one wants to refer to withered leaves then I would conclude the poem with this and not continue. In addition, I wonder about saying ‘the shower’s sound is severe’ – it gives the impression of standing on the peak of Mount Arachi and looking down upon the valley below.
