Left (Win).

降り暮す小萩がもとの庭の雨を今夜は荻の上に聞く哉

furikurasu kohagi ga moto no niwa no ame o koyoi wa ogi no ue ni kiku kana

Falling with the darkness To the solitary bush-clover’s roots The rain within my garden Tonight, on the silver grass I hear.

A Servant Girl.

369

Right.

荻原や野邊の秋風末分てさびしさ添ふる村雨の聲

ogiwara ya nobe no aki kaze sue wakete sabishisa souru murasame no koe

Silver grass meadows – Across the fields the autumn wind Brushes the fronds; Adding loneliness to The whisper of showers…

Lord Takanobu.

370

The Right say, ‘In the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the rain falls in daytime on “the solitary bush-clover’s roots” (kohagi ga moto) and at night “on the silver grass” (ogi no ue).’ The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.

Shunzei judges, ‘I see no fault in saying that the “rain falling with the darkness” (furikurasu ame) is something one can see on the bush clover’s roots during the day, but only hear at night. As for the Right, “Across the fields the autumn wind brushes the fronds” (nobe no aki kaze sue wakete) is superb in construction. In the final line “whisper of showers” (murasame no koe) , though, “whisper” is an excessively direct personalisation, is it not? The spirit of the Left’s “on the silver grass” must win.”