Tag Archives: dawn

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Autumn II: 20

Leave a comment

Left (Win).

唐衣裾野の庵の旅枕袖より鴫の立つ心地する

karakoromo
susono no io no
tabimakura
sode yori shigi no
tatsu kokochisuru		 Clothed in Cathay robes
In a hut at Susono
My traveller’s pillow –
My sleeve – from which the snipe
I feel are starting.

Lord Sada’ie.

399

Right.

旅衣夜半のあはれも百羽がき鴫立つ野邊の暁の空

tabi makura
yowa no aware mo
momohagaki
shigi tatsu nobe no
akatsuki no sora		 Clad in traveller’s garb
All night long in lonely reverie
As beating wings time and again
Snipe start from the fields
Into the dawning sky.

Nobusada.

400

The Right query whether it is possible to draw an association between ‘Cathay robes’ and snipe? The Left wonder about the usage of’lonely reverie as beating wings’.

Shunzei’s judgement: The criticisms from both teams are ones I have encountered before. As the poet has used ‘My sleeve – from which the snipe’ (sode yori shigi), and ‘a hut at Susono’ (susono no io), it requires the use of ‘Cathay robes’ (kara koromo) – there is no more to it than that. As for the Right, saying ‘Snipe start from the fields’ (shigi tatsu nobe) and ‘All night long in lonely reverie as beating wings time and again’ (yowa no aware mo momohagaki) – there is no fault to be found here, either. However, saying ‘My sleeve – from which the snipe’ is better. It must win.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Autumn II: 19

Leave a comment

Left.

薦枕高瀬の淀に立つ鴫の羽音もそそやあはれかくなり

komo makura
takase no yodo ni
tatsu shigi no
haoto mo soso ya
aware kaku nari		 Pillowed on a mat of rush
Where the Yodo meets Takase
The starting snipe
With rustling wingbeats
Draw in my melancholy.

Kenshō.

397

Right (Win).

あはれさは萩吹く風の音のみか有明の月に鴫も鳴なり

awaresa wa
hagi fuku kaze no
oto nomi ka
ariake no tsuki ni
shigi mo nakunari		 Melancholy is not
In the wind upon the bush clover’s
Sigh alone but
With the moon at break of dawn
The snipe a’crying.

The Provisional Master of the Empress Household Office.

398

The Right state that the Left’s poem is based on a misinterpretation of the song ‘The Spreading Moon Rises’, and this has led to the usage of ‘mat of rush’. Furthermore, in the absence of expressions such as ‘bush clover’ or ‘new grown rice’, ‘rustling’ lacks a context. The Left merely state that the initial section of the Right’s poem ‘does not sound attractive’.

Shunzei’s judgement: The gentlemen of the Right have already stated the issue with ‘rush mat’. As for ‘rustling’, I have already suggested that it was unsuitable in the earlier poem on bush clover in the topic of ‘Autumn Evenings’, and it is unfeasible to think that one could go so far as to use it in reference to ‘wing beats’. In regard to the Right’s poem, the initial line, indeed, sounds poor, and the central ‘alone but’ is also regrettable, but even so, it wins the round.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Autumn II: 18

Leave a comment

Left (Win).

山遠き門田の末は霧晴て穂波に沈む有明の月

yama tōki
kadota no sue wa
kiri harete
honami ni shizumu
ariake no tsuki		 By the distant mountains,
At the farthest reach of fields before my gates,
The mists are clearing, and
Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears is
The dawntime moon…

A Servant Girl.

395

Right.

夕月夜ほのめく影も哀なり稲葉の風は袖に通ひて

yūzukuyo
honomeku kage mo
awarenari
inaba no kaze wa
sode ni kayoite		 The autumn evening moon’s
Faint light is
Moving, indeed;
The wind upon the rice-stalks
Passing o’er my sleeves…

Lord Takanobu.

396

The Right simply say that the Left’s poem is ‘good’. The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.

Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘dawntime moon’ (ariake no tsuki) and the Right’s ‘early evening moon’ are both deeply moving; the Left, continuing with ‘at the farthest reach of fields before my gates, the mists are clearing’ (kadota no sue wa kiri harete) is particularly fine, I feel. ‘Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears’ (honami ni shizumu) is certainly technically proficient, and yet lacks a certain profundity. And yet, the initial ‘By the distant mountains’ (yama tōki) show a true depth. It should win.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Summer I: 27

Leave a comment

Left.

夕涼み閨へも入らぬうたゝ寢の夢を殘して明くるしのゝめ

yū suzumi
neya e mo iranu
utatane no
yume o nokoshite
akuru shinonome		 In the cool of evening
I’ve not taken to my bed, but
Dozing
Have dreamed on
In the dark before dawn’s light.

Lord Ari’ie.

233

Right (Win).

澄む月の光は霜とさゆれどもまだ宵ながら在明の空

sumu tsuki no
hikari wa shimo to
sayuredomo
mada yoi nagara
ariake no sora		 The clear moon
Light is frost
Frigid, yet
Still ‘tis night
In the dawn-touched sky.

Ietaka.

234

Neither team has any criticisms to make this round.

Shunzei says, ‘The Left’s phrase “have dreamed on” (yume o nokoshite) is extremely good. The earlier “In the cool of evening” (yū suzumi) is a phrase often used in composition, but I dislike it. The Right’s poems is charming throughout. It should win.’

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Spring II: 29

Leave a comment

Left (Tie).

見ぬ夜まで思殘さぬながめより昔にかすむ春の明ぼの

minu yo made
omoinokosanu
nagame yori
mukashi ni kasumu
haru no akebono		 Invisible, in the past
There is nothing to regret,
Gazing,
Long ago upon the hazy
Springtime dawn.

A Servant Girl.

117

Right (Tie).

思ひ出でばおなじながめにかへるまで心に殘れ春のあけぼの

omoideba
onaji nagame ni
kaeru made
kokoro ni nokore
haru no akebono		 Were I to think back,
Until this selfsame sight
Should return,
Let it in my heart remain:
This springtime dawn.

Nobusada.

118

Both teams praise the other’s poems this round, saying they are ‘satisifying.’

Shunzei says, ‘Both poems are on ‘spring dawn’, the Left ‘long ago hazed’ (mukashi ni kasumu) and the Right ‘remaining in the heart’ (kokoro ni nokore): both are equally charming in form and sense. This is a good tie.’

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Spring II: 28

Leave a comment

Left.

霞かは花鶯にとぢられて春にこもれる宿の明ぼの

kasumi ka wa
hana uguisu ni
tojirarete
haru ni komoreru
yado no akebono		 Is this haze?
No, in blossom and warbler song
Am I sealed;
Shut in by springtime
Is my home this dawn.

Lord Sada’ie

115

Right (Win).

霞立つ末の松山ほのぼのと浪にはなるゝ橫雲の空

kasumi tatsu
sue no matsuyama
honobono to
nami ni hanaruru
yokogumo no sora		 The hazes rise
Around the pine-clad peak of Sué;
Dimly
Departing from the waves,
Narrow clouds trail across the sky.

Ietaka.

116

The Right team have no particular remarks to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left state that the Right’s poem is ‘most satisfying.’

Shunzei’s judgement is: ‘The Left’s “Is this haze?” (kasumi ka wa) seems like it wants to be “Is this just haze?” (kasumi nomi ka wa). “In blossom and warbler song am I sealed” (hana uguisu ni tojirarete) and “my home this dawn” (yado no akebono) remind one of “the lofty palace of Shinsei stands behind warblers and blossom” and this is excellent. As for the Right’s poem, this is particularly moving, with its depiction of the scene “departing from the waves, narrow clouds trail across the sky” (nami ni hanaruru yokogumo no sora), recalling “the pine-clad peak of Sué” (sue no matsuyama). The poem does start with “hazes rise” (kasumi tatsu) and having “haze” (kasumi), “wave” (nami) and “cloud” (kumo) means the poem is somewhat overburdened with similar imagery. “Narrow clouds trail across the sky”, though, does make a particularly strong impression, and the Left’s poem is merely satisfying, as has been said. Thus, “my home this dawn” must lose, I think.’

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Spring II: 27

Leave a comment

Left (Tie).

これやこの心ある人のながむべき難波わたりの春の明ぼの

kore ya kono
kokoro aru hito no
nagamubeki
naniwa watari no
haru no akebono		 Is this what
That man with soul
Should gaze upon?
Close by to Naniwa –
The dawn at springtime…

Lord Kanemune.

113

Right (Tie).

あはれさは古りゆくまゝにそへてけり高津の宮の春の明ぼの

awaresa wa
furiyuku mama ni
soetekeri
takatsu no miya no
haru no akebono		 How moving!
As it ages, it
Affects one more:
The Palace at Takatsu,
In the dawn at Springtime.

The Provisional Master of the Empress’ Household Office.

114

Neither team has any particular remarks to make about the other’s poems this round.

Shunzei, too, merely says, ‘Both poems make splendid use of places such as ‘the Palace at Takatsu’ (takatsu no miya), ‘close by to Naniwa’ (naniwa watari) and ‘dawn’ (akebono). It is difficult to decide on which is better. The round must, therefore, be a tie.’

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Spring II: 26

Leave a comment

Left.

この世には心とめじと思ふまにながめぞはてぬ春のあけぼの

kono yo ni wa
kokoro tomeji to
omou ma ni
nagame zo hatenu
haru no akebono		 From this world
I’ll sever all ties,
I vow, yet
I cannot, while gazing on
The dawn in springtime.

Kenshō.

111

Right (Win).

何となく心うきぬるひとり寢に明ぼのつらき春の色哉

nani to naku
kokoro ukinuru
hitorine ni
akebono tsuraki
haru no iro kana		 For some reason
My heart’s unquiet;
In solitary sleep,
Comes the dawn with spiteful
Springtime hues…

Lord Takanobu.

112

The Right state that, ‘it does not seem as if much thought has been given to the placement of “the dawn in springtime” (haru no akebono). Given that it appears in the topic, why build up to it in such a roundabout way?’ The Left, however, have no comments to make on the Right’s poem.

Shunzei, however, states, ‘The Gentlemen of the Right’s statement of about the lack of thought given to “dawn” (akebono) is not reasonable. Even in topics which combine more than one element (musubidai 結題) , it has been said that there are characters which express these indirectly (mawasu moji まはす文字). In topics such as “Spring Dawn”, to fail to clearly mention it suggests nothing more than ignorance of composition. The use of “while” (ma ni), however, is a clear fault, and the Right’s poem is thus definitely superior.’

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Spring II: 13

Leave a comment

Left (Win).

末遠き若葉の芝生うちなびき雲雀鳴野の春の夕暮

sue tōki
wakaba no shibafu
uchinabiki
hibari naku no no
haru no yūgure		 To the distance far
The growing greensward
Stretches;
Skylarks singing o’er the plain
In the springtime evening.

Lord Sada’ie

85

Right.

雲に入るそなたの聲をながむれば雲雀落ち來る明ぼのゝ空

kumo ni iru
sonata no koe no
nagamureba
hibari ochikuru
akebono no sora		 From within the clouds
Comes song: thither
Staring,
Skylarks swooping
Through the skies at dawn.

Lord Takanobu.

86

The Right team question what it is that the greensward ‘streams’ (nabiku) towards, while the Left say that starting with ‘within the clouds’ (kumo ni iru) is ‘somewhat abrupt’.

Shunzei comments of the Right’s question, ‘whatever it streams towards, in truth, from point of view of form, it should not stream at all,’ meaning that there’s no need to use the expression at all in the poem. As for the Right’s poem, somewhat facetiously, he says, ‘what is “within the clouds” is, most likely a ball, and while gazing “thither at their song”, one would think that, no doubt, the skylark, too, would soon come swooping down, but one would have to stop staring in order to catch it!’ In addition, ‘wouldn’t it be to dark at dawn to distinguish a skylark?’ So, ‘Skylarks singing o’er the plain/In the springtime evening’ should be the winner.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Spring I: 12

Leave a comment

Left (Win).

空はなを霞もやらず風冴えて雪氣にくもる春の夜の月

sora wa nao
kasumi mo yarazu
kaze saete
yukige ni kumoru
haru no yo no tsuki		 The skies are still
Untouched by haze;
The wind clearly brings
A sense of snow to cloud
The moon, this springtime night.

A Servant Girl

23

Right.

梅が枝の匂ばかりや春ならんなを雪深し窓のあけぼの

ume ga e no
nioi bakari ya
haru naran
nao yuki fukashi
mado no akebono		 Is a branch of plum’s
Scent alone
Spring?
Still the snows lie deep
Outside my window this dawn.

Jakuren

24

Neither team has any criticisms to make of the other’s poem in this round.

Shunzei comments that both poems are simply and beautifully constructed in both form and phrasing, and the final two lines of both poems are equally charming. He feels, though, that the beginning of the Right’s poem would have been improved if, instead of ‘a branch of plum’ (ume ga e), which focuses the audience’s attention on the branch, and not the blossom, it had begun ‘Is the plum beneath my eaves’ (noki no ume), instead. In addition, while reluctant to discount ‘outside my window this dawn’ (mado no akebono), he cannot help but feel that ‘the moon, this springtime night’ (haru no yo no tsuki) is a more superlative conclusion, and so has to award victory to the Left.