Neither Left nor Right have anything in particular to say.
Shunzei’s judgement: I wonder about accepting the Left’s ‘Beneath my duck-down bedding I lie alone’ (oshi no fusuma o katashikite). The strengths and weaknesses are plain, and so there is not much more to say than that. The Left wins.
Both Left and Right are exaggerated in their insistence that the other’s poem lacks any faults.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Upon Mt Yoshino, in fitful sleep upon a bed of bamboo’ (yoshinoyama suzu no karine ni) would seem to suggest an ascetic who, having travelled into the mountains, has made himself a hut from bamboo and pillowed upon the tree roots, would it not? But here he seems to have simply cut them down, spread them out and lain upon them! In addition, ‘The wind gusts through the pines’ (matsukaze hayashi) fails to sound elegant [yū ni shi kikoezaru]. The Right, by starting with ‘On the mountains’ edge’ (toyamanaru), suggests that the poet is speaking of his own dwelling’s door in the mountains. ‘Hearing hail blown horizontal against the pines’ (arare yokogiru matsu no oto) also just does not sound appropriate. Both poems have an exaggerated feeling [kotogotoshikaran to wa kokorozashite], and I cannot grasp who they are referring to. However, the Left’s poem is, still, somewhat superior.
Both teams say the other’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikaranu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although I feel that this topic of ‘Winter Mornings’ should express the conception of the latter half of winter [fuyu no nakaba sugitaru kokoro], the Left’s poem sounds like one from the beginning of winter, and I wonder about that. ‘South-east of the capital’ (miyako no tatsumi) is taken from the poem by Kisen on Mt Uji, which states ‘South east of the Capital, and so I dwell’ (miyako no tatsumi sika zo sumu). This conception [kokoro] of being there and ‘gazing south-east of the capital’ (miyako no tatsumi nagamureba) to the Fukakusa Estate, is charming [okashiku haberu]. Snow on the treetops in the morning, too, sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kikoyu]. Thus, the Right should win.
The Right say that the Left’s poem is ‘fine, perhaps’ [yoroshiki ka]. The Left reply that the Right’s ‘lacks any faults.’
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are on the topic of ‘withered fields’ and the Right has a fine final section with ‘the plain of Miyagino’ (miyagino no hara), but the initial section with ‘stags’ and ‘insects’ sounds as if the poet is enumerating members of list [kazoetatetaru yō ni ya kikoyu]. The Left, with its ‘The fields autumn bring back to me’ (nohara ni aki no shinobarete), followed by ‘Within my heart a stag cries out’ (kokoro no uchi ni shika zo nakinuru), is most fine. The Left should win.
The Right wonder about the appropriateness of having a ‘view’ (nagame) of frost burn. The Left suggest that ‘depths of winter’ sounds a poor expression [kikiyokarazu] [because ‘depths of night’ was a more standard usage].
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems refer to the many colours (iroiro) of the blooms of autumn, and this is certainly not lacking in taste [yūnarazaru ni wa arazu]. When gazing over the frost-burned winter fields, saying ‘even that view’ (nagame made) is not a fault as such [toga nakarubekeredomo], but I feel it would be better to avoid encompassing everything within a ‘view’. On ‘depths of winter’ (fuyu fukuru), we have the same old opinion that it ‘sounds poor’ but, I ask you, what sounds poor about it? What is to be criticised in ‘depths of winter’? As a piece of diction, ‘depths’ (fukuru) can be used about anything. Thus, the Right must win.
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem this round. The Left query whether ‘blanket of chill’ (samushiro) is not somewhat forced.
Shunzei’s judgement: While ‘Old Man Chrysanth’ (okinagusa) is a formulation I find myself particularly unable to accept, the conception produced by ‘winter warden for the fields’ (fuyu no nomori) is most tasteful [fuyu no nomori to omoiyoreru kokoro wa yūtarubeshi]. The final section, ‘By frost unburned’ (shimo ni shi karenu) is extremely fine in both diction and configuration [sugata kotoba ito yoroshiku miehaberu], but this makes it all the more regrettable that a thin blanket is turned into a chill one. In this poem, one really needs a coverlet! The ‘winter warden for the fields’ should win.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘What should I recall? The fields of grasses’ (nani ni nokosan kusa no hara) is charming [en ni koso haberumere]. The gentlemen of the Right’s reasoning for finding fault with ‘fields of grasses’ is highly flawed [mottomo utata aru ni ya]. Murasaki Shikibu was better at writing prose than composing poems. Thus, The Festival of the Cherry Blossoms is particularly charming [koto ni en’naru mono nari]. It is highly regrettable for one to compose poetry without having read The Tale of Genji. The Right’s poem does not appear poor in diction and conception [kokoro kotoba ashiku wa miezaru]. However, it is extremely mundane in style [tsune no tei narubeshi]. The Left’s poem is better, and I make it the winner.
Neither Left nor Right have any criticisms to make.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are on ‘violet chrysanthemums’, and the Left’s ‘Chrysanthemums show not their age’ (kiku wa oisenu) is elegant [yū naru], but in terms of diction [kotoba] I find myself unable to accept [shokisubekarazu] ‘hue shines out’ (iro haete). The Right’s ‘Show the shift to winter – such is their hue!’ (fuyu ni utsurou iro ni zo arikeru), sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kikoe habere] and is in line with the Theory of the Five Elements. Violet is a colour obtained by adding black to red. Thus, it is a suitable hue to place between Autumn and Winter. The Right have composed upon such a conception most naturally [sono kokoro shizen ni yomaretaru]. It seems he is most knowledgeable about the elemental turning of the seasons [go gyō no rinten o shireru ni nitari]. The poem is pleasant in conception and configuration [kokoro sugata yoroshiki]. Again, the Right should win.
The Right state that the Left’s poem is difficult to understand, and that it would have better to have had ‘unknown to all’ (shirarenu) in place of ‘I knew not’ (shiranu).The Left state that the ‘diction of the Right’s poem does not flow smoothly’ [kotoba, todokohoritari].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘alone at last’ (waketomete) is something I wonder at the meaning of, however, the final section is excellent [yoroshiku haberubeshi]. The Right’s poem appears to express the conception [kokoro aru yō ni wa haberu o], but due to the dual use of ‘flowers’ (hana), ‘chrysanthemums’ (kiku) are reduced to a hidden topic [kakushidai naru yō naru], and this sounds insufficient. The Left wins.