Left (Win).
殘ゐて霜をいたゞく翁草冬の野守と成やしぬらん
| nokori’ite shimo o itadaku okinagusa fuyu no nomori to nari ya shinuran |
Left behind and Draped with frost, Old Man Chrysanth A winter warden for the fields Has he become? |
507
Right.
さむしろに野邊やさながら成ぬらん霜にし枯れぬ草の葉ぞ無き
| samushiro ni nobe ya sanagara narinuran shimo ni shi karenu kusa no ha zo naki |
Has a blanket of chill Across the fields Been laid? By frost unburned Is there not a single grassy leaf! |
508
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem this round. The Left query whether ‘blanket of chill’ (samushiro) is not somewhat forced.
Shunzei’s judgement: While ‘Old Man Chrysanth’ (okinagusa) is a formulation I find myself particularly unable to accept, the conception produced by ‘winter warden for the fields’ (fuyu no nomori) is most tasteful [fuyu no nomori to omoiyoreru kokoro wa yūtarubeshi]. The final section, ‘By frost unburned’ (shimo ni shi karenu) is extremely fine in both diction and configuration [sugata kotoba ito yoroshiku miehaberu], but this makes it all the more regrettable that a thin blanket is turned into a chill one. In this poem, one really needs a coverlet! The ‘winter warden for the fields’ should win.