uchiharau makura no chiri mo kakurenaku aretaru yado o terasu tsukikage
Needing to be swept away, The dust upon my pillow Cannot be concealed In my dilapidated dwelling, when The moonlight shines within…
Taifu 37
Right
秋の夜の月みる袖におく露やひるにかはれるしるしなるらん
aki no yo no tsuki miru sode ni oku tsuyu ya hiru ni kawareru shirushi naruran
On an autumn night Upon my sleeves, when gazing at the moon, Fall dewdrops— That all is changed from daytime Might they be a sign?
Yorisuke 38
In both the moon is bright, and I feel they reflect the essential meaning of the topic, but as its diction is currently slightly more familiar, I make the Left the winner. It would be possible to call this a tie, too, though.
[1]Shinsenzaishū XII: 1251/This poem is also included in Mandaishū (XII: 2360) with the headnote, ‘A poem from the Poetry Contest in One Hundred Rounds held by the Tōin Empress’.
[2] A minor variant of this poem, with a headnote attributing it to this contest, appears in Shokukokinshū (XI: 1038): よそにみし人におもひをつけそめてこころからこそしたにこがるれ yoso ni mishi / hito ni omoi o / tsukesomete / kokoro kara koso / shita ni kogarure ‘Casually did I see / Her, and the fires of passion / First ignited; / From within my heart, / I secretly smoulder.’
The Right state: we find no particular faults to mention. The Left state: we wonder about the appropriateness of placing one’s trust in dreams during the daytime. Was he having a nap?
In judgement: the conception of the Left’s poem is well developed from beginning to end. The Right’s poem has an elegant configuration, but it is unacceptable to have the speaker napping. However, the Left’s ‘Why is it that’ (ika ni ko wa) is unsatisfactory style. I have to say the poems are equal and tie.
The Right state: while ‘shadowed’ (kakikurasu) is a normal turn of phrase, we find ‘tears shadowing my sight’ (kurasu namida) to be unsatisfactory. The Left state: we wonder about the appropriateness of using shio no hiru ma alone for a play on words with hiru.
In judgement: The Left’s ‘That the hours had flown so fast I did forget’ (hima yuku koma mo wasurarete) gives the impression that the conception of the poem ought to be of waiting for dusk, but ‘First, the tears shadowing my sight I should suppress’ (kurasu namida o mazu osauran) seems to be something entirely different. As for the Right’s ‘Even when the beach is daytime dry my sleeves are soaked’ (shio no hiru ma mo sode wa nurekeri), I ask you, how can you think daytime isn’t a part of the phrase? The Right must win.
