|toshi o hete
tsui ni aubeki
yowai bakari o
|If the years go by, and
Finally, that we meet
Should come to pass,
Just our youth
Should not be a source of grief!
sono kami mo
tsui no omoi ya
|We did match
Our hair, bunched on either side:
That, at last, our passions would
Join – I wonder, did we know it?
The Right state: the conception of youth is lacking. The Left state: the initial part simply resembles the original poem.
In judgement: the Left’s poem, from beginning to end, uses nothing but commonplace diction. The Right’s poem, too, really says nothing beyond the sense of its origin poem. The poems are of the same quality.