Left (Win).
いづ方へ羽かく鴫の立ちぬらんまだ明やらぬ霧の迷ひに
| izukata e hane kaku shigi no tachinuran mada akeyaranu kiri no mayoi ni |
From where is it that The snipes’ wing-beats Do come? With no daybreak yet, They are lost amidst the mists… |
405
Right.
ほのかにも鴫の羽音ぞ聞ゆなる殘ことなき秋の寢覺に
| honoka ni mo shigi no haoto zo kikoyunaru nokoro koto naki aki no nezame ni |
Faintly Snipes’ wing-beats Do I hear; A flurry of thoughts On waking in autumn… |
406
Neither Left nor Right has any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: Although both poems seem without fault, ‘a flurry of thoughts’ (nokoru koto naki) suggests all the sorrows of autumn, but the initial part of the poem states that all the poet can hear is the snipes’ wing-beats – and nothing else – so there is a disagreement in what the poem is expressing. I do wonder about the initial line of the Left’s poem, but it should win.
Left (Win).
山遠き門田の末は霧晴て穂波に沈む有明の月
| yama tōki kadota no sue wa kiri harete honami ni shizumu ariake no tsuki |
By the distant mountains, At the farthest reach of fields before my gates, The mists are clearing, and Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears is The dawntime moon… |
395
Right.
夕月夜ほのめく影も哀なり稲葉の風は袖に通ひて
| yūzukuyo honomeku kage mo awarenari inaba no kaze wa sode ni kayoite |
The autumn evening moon’s Faint light is Moving, indeed; The wind upon the rice-stalks Passing o’er my sleeves… |
396
The Right simply say that the Left’s poem is ‘good’. The Left have no criticisms of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘dawntime moon’ (ariake no tsuki) and the Right’s ‘early evening moon’ are both deeply moving; the Left, continuing with ‘at the farthest reach of fields before my gates, the mists are clearing’ (kadota no sue wa kiri harete) is particularly fine, I feel. ‘Sinking amongst the waves of rice-ears’ (honami ni shizumu) is certainly technically proficient, and yet lacks a certain profundity. And yet, the initial ‘By the distant mountains’ (yama tōki) show a true depth. It should win.