Winter II: 12

Left (Win).

清水もる谷の戸ぼそも閉ぢはてゝ氷を叩く嶺の松風

shimizu moru
tani no toboso mo
tojihatete
kōri o tataku
mine no matsukaze
Where spring waters flow
From out the valley mouth
Is stopped;
Against the ice strikes
The wind from off the pine-filled peaks.

A Servant Girl.

563

Right.

梢にも夜半の白雪積もるらし音弱り行嶺の松風

kozue ni mo
yowa no shirayuki
tsumorurashi
oto yowariyuku
mine no matsukaze
The treetops, too,
Within the snows tonight
Are buried, it seems:
The sounds have softened of
The wind from off the pine-filled peaks.

Nobusada.

564

Neither Left nor Right find any fault.

Shunzei’s judgement: The phrasing of both poems, such as ‘wind from off the pine-filled peaks’ (mine no matsukaze), ‘Against the ice strikes’ (kōri o tataku) and ‘sounds have softened’ (oto yowariyuku), has not particular strong or weak points [kōotsu nakuhaberedo], but still, ‘against the ice strikes’ seems a little superior.

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