The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is most moving. The Right’s poem, the Gentlemen of the Left state, is fine.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem has one counting to the end of the moon’s transits through the sky, while the Right has clouds parting from a mountain peak being the poet’s thoughts given form. Both poems are elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘even the clouds’ (kumo ni dani) does not fit with the ending. The Left maintains its connections from beginning to end. Thus, I make it the winner.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem has no defects worth criticising. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the initial and final sections of the Right’s poem lack connection with each other. Does the poem have a conception of hiddenness?
Shunzei’s judgement: The conception and configuration of the Left’s ‘cloud-capped peaks’ first shower of rain’ (kumoiru mine no hatsu shigure) seems charming [kokoro sugata okashiku mie]. On that basis, it should win.
A travel poem, included in a hundred poem sequence sent to be read by the Monk En’i.
岩根ふみ峰の椎柴折りしきて雲に宿かるゆふぐれの空
iFane Fumi
mine no siFisiba
worisikite
kumo ni yadokaru
yuFugure no sora
Treading ‘cross the deep-rooted crags
From brushwood on the peak
I break branches and spread them
Making my lodging beneath the clouds
Gazing at the evening skies…
Both teams say that the conceptions of the two poems resemble each other closely [kokoro hōfutsu].
Shuzei’s judgement: The Left, by starting, ‘That mountain dwelling’s loneliness feeling, the smoke’ (yamazato no sabishisa omou keburi yue) sounds as if it is the brushwood itself which has some sensitivity to the situation, and are rising up from time to time. I wonder about that. The Right’s evergreen groves ‘nearing the mountain’ (majikaki yama) is what should win.
Shunzei’s judgement: The phrasing of both poems, such as ‘wind from off the pine-filled peaks’ (mine no matsukaze), ‘Against the ice strikes’ (kōri o tataku) and ‘sounds have softened’ (oto yowariyuku), has not particular strong or weak points [kōotsu nakuhaberedo], but still, ‘against the ice strikes’ seems a little superior.
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem. The Left state that the Right’s poem is ‘lacking in sense’.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘A thousand years made manifest in the young pines on the peak’ (chiyo o arawasu mine no wakamatsu) is charming [okashiku miehaberu], but the in the phrase ‘Yet still does the fresh, green’ (nao mo midori no), the use of ‘still’ (mo) is old-fashioned, and including it produces a phrasing which is inferior to ‘yet’ (nao) alone. When I say such things, people may find them difficult to accept, but not to do so would do the Way a disservice, and thus, I must. The Right’s ‘The pine boughs are bent down to the ground’ (matsu ga e wa tsuchi ni tsuku made) is something which has been used in poetry since long ago, and so is somewhat commonplace [tsune no koto], but ‘such heights the pine’ (takasago no matsu) does not seem that bad [ito masanakuhaberuran]. The Left’s ‘young pines on the peak’ (mine no wakamatsu) should win.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem has ‘deep snow’ (yuki fukaki), ‘whitening round my cedar door’ (maki no to shiramu), and the Right has ‘the dawntime moon will linger less than’ (ariake no tsuki yori nokoru) – the conception and diction of both are splendid [kokoro kotoba tomo ni yoroshiku koso haberumere]. It seems to me that is exactly how winter mornings are. Thus, it is difficult to say which is better. This must be a good tie [yoki ji].
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left state that they find the Right’s poem, ‘difficult to grasp’. In reply, the Right say, ‘It is conceived after a Chinese poem that “the wind in the pines is the sound of rain”.’
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem is excellent in both configuration and diction [sugata kotoba yoroshiku haberumere]. The Right’s ‘clouded only by a storm’ (arashi ni kumoru) sounds charming in conception [kokoro okashiku kikoyu] – even without drawing upon the Chinese model. In this round, too, there is no clear winner or loser and it must tie.
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem. The Left wonder whether the use of ‘I cannot regret’ (oshimikane) implies that the poet feels nothing prior to that.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s final section is elegant [yū ni haberu], but although I have heard of many different types of wind, I have no recollection of any familiarity [kikinarete mo oboehaberane] with a ‘fickle wind’ (ukitaru kaze). While I feel the Right’s poem has no particular faults, the initial ‘I cannot regret’ (oshimikane) does not seem to fit will with what follows. The poems are alike and the round must tie.
Both teams state they find no particular faults with the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are on the topic of ‘falling leaves’, and both ‘The ever-falling leaves from the trees’ (himanaku furu wa ko no ha) and ‘Now the winds are done, fallen are’ (kaze yori furu wa), in conception and diction, are charming [kokoro kotoba tomo no okashiku kikoyu]. They must tie.