Love IV: 27


konu toko wa
akuru tanomi mo
naki mono o
hima ya shiromu to
matsu zo ayashiki
An unvisited bed,
Of light has
No hope, but
Brightening through my bedroom door
Is what I am awaiting – how strange…

Lord Kanemune.

Right (Win).

fukeyuku yowa o
tori no ne o ya wa
matsu akashitsuru
Time and again he’d say he’d come, and
Through the deepening night
I’d grieve, but
Is it now for the first bird call
That I have awaited the dawn?

Lord Takanobu.

The Right state: ‘Unvisited bed’ (konu toko) sounds as if it is the bed doing the visiting. The Left state: we do not feel that the Right’s poem expresses its intended sense fully.

In judgement: I feel it sounds better to say that ‘through the deepening night’ (fukeyuku yowa) ‘is it now for the first bird call’ (tori no ne o ya wa) that one waits, rather than that one is in ‘an unvisited bed’ (konu toko) waiting for ‘brightening through my bedroom door’ (hima ya shiromu).

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