谷深み水かけ草の下露や知られぬ恋の涙なるらむ
| tani ni Fukami midukakegusa no sitatuyu ya sirarenu koFi no namida naruramu |
Deep within the valley, Are the water-dripped loosestrife’s Silver dewdrops Secret love’s Tears? |
Minamoto no Toshiyori
源俊頼
Tag Archives: tani
Eikyū hyakushu 197
SZS XVI: 1039
Tadamichishū 87
Kiyosuke-shū 14
KKS I: 14
Love III: 27
Left.
わが中を布留の荒田とうち捨て誰にゆきあひの早稲作らん
| wa ga naka o furu no arada to uchisutete tare ni yukiai no wase tukuran |
Our love As the overgrown fields at Furu Has been abandoned; Who do you go to now, To grow fresh seedlings? |
Kenshō
773
Right (Win).
山深み苔の下もる谷水や年経る恋の涙なるらん
| yama fukami koke no shita moru tanimizu ya toshi heru koi no namida naruran |
Deep within the mountains From underneath the moss leaks Water to the valleys; Enduring through the years are my love’s Tears… |
Ietaka
774
Both teams say the poems have no fault.
In judgement: both poems seem equal in expression, but the quality of the lower section of the Left’s poem is extremely poor, so I make the Right’s ‘from underneath the moss leaks’ (koke no shita moru) the winner.
Love I: 17
Left (Win).
谷深みはるかに人をきくの露触れぬ袂よ何しほるらん
| tani fukami haruka ni hito o kiku no tsuyu furenu tamoto yo nani shioruran |
Deep within the valley, Of her, a distant Word; no dew from the chrysanthemum Has touched my sleeves, so Why are they so damp? |
633
Right.
君をのみ心づくしに企救の池言ひ出ぬより袖ぞ濡れぬる
| kimi o nomi kokoro zukushi ni kiku no ike ii’idenu yori sode zo nurenuru |
Only you do Fill the whole of my heart; Word of the waters of Kiku Pond, A mere mention and My sleeves are soaked…. |
634
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is without fault. The Gentlemen of the Left state: while the Right’s ‘Kiku Pond’ (kiku no ike) does have something novel about it, ‘a mere mention’ (ii’idenu) is pedestrian.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘chrysanthemum valley’ (kiku no tani) and the Right’s ‘chrysanthemum pond’ (kiku no ike) both along the same lines and seem to sound charming [okashiku koso kikoehaberumeredomo]; still, ‘no dew from the chrysanthemum has touched my sleeves’ (kiku no tsuyu furenu tamoto yo) seems a little more elegant to me now.
Winter II: 12
Left (Win).
清水もる谷の戸ぼそも閉ぢはてゝ氷を叩く嶺の松風
| shimizu moru tani no toboso mo tojihatete kōri o tataku mine no matsukaze |
Where spring waters flow From out the valley mouth Is stopped; Against the ice strikes The wind from off the pine-filled peaks. |
563
Right.
梢にも夜半の白雪積もるらし音弱り行嶺の松風
| kozue ni mo yowa no shirayuki tsumorurashi oto yowariyuku mine no matsukaze |
The treetops, too, Within the snows tonight Are buried, it seems: The sounds have softened of The wind from off the pine-filled peaks. |
564
Neither Left nor Right find any fault.
Shunzei’s judgement: The phrasing of both poems, such as ‘wind from off the pine-filled peaks’ (mine no matsukaze), ‘Against the ice strikes’ (kōri o tataku) and ‘sounds have softened’ (oto yowariyuku), has not particular strong or weak points [kōotsu nakuhaberedo], but still, ‘against the ice strikes’ seems a little superior.
Spring I: 15
Left.
音すなり淺茅が下の忘水こほりしほどは知られざりしを
| oto su nari asaji ga shita no wasuremizu kōrishi hodo wa shirarezarishi o |
The sound is heard From beneath the sparse strands of cogon grass: Forgotten streamlets which, When frozen, Were all unknown. |
29
Right (Win).
聞きなれし峰の嵐にいつしかとをとづれかはる谷のした水
| kikinareshi mine no arashi ni itsushika to otozure kawaru tani no shitamizu |
Well accustomed to the howl Of storm-winds round the peaks, Suddenly, The sound does change: To waters running on the valley floor. |
30
The Right team have no comments to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left wonder whether storm-winds really blow in spring?
Shunzei comments that the opening of the Left’s poem is ‘extremely charming’. As for the criticism that storm-winds do not blow in spring, it’s ‘not the case that they do not blow at all’ at that time. After the end of spring, when storm-winds become gentler and their voice fainter, is when one must have poems in the spirit of rising waters flowing through the valleys. He also feels that ‘The sound does change:/To waters running on the valley floor.’ (otozure kawaru/tani no shitamizu) is superior to the Left’s ‘When frozen,/Were all unknown.’ (kôrishi hodo wa/shirarezarishi o), and so gives the Right the victory this round.