akigiri no taema ni miyuru momijiba ya tachinokoshitaru nishiki naruran
The autumn mists have Gaps revealing Scarlet leaves— Remaining offcuts of Brocade, perhaps?
Lord Tsunemori 75
Right
もみぢちる立田の山はえぞこえぬ錦をふまむ道をしらねば
momiji chiru tatsuta no yama wa e zo koenu nishiki o fumamu michi o shiraneba
Scattered with scarlet leaves Tatsuta Mountain I cannot cross, for To tread upon a brocade Path I know not how…
Lord Yorimasa 76
The Right is a poem on fallen leaves and blossom—something about which many people have composed in the recent past and modern times, too. The Left sounds as if it truly depicts things as they are. Its overall construction is lovely, too, so it should win.
yamahime ya kite furusato e kaeruran nishiki to miyuru koromode no mori
Does the mountain princess Wear it, when to her ancient home Returning? As brocade does seem The sacred grove at Koromode…
Lord Shige’ie
73
Right
色色の木木のにしきを立田川ひとつはたにもおりながすかな
iroiro no kigi no nishiki o tatsutagawa hitotsu hata ni mo orinagasu kana
Many hued is The trees brocade that The Tatsuta River’s Loom into one Does weave and float along!
Shun’e 74
The Left’s ‘mountain princess’ is normally used, but where is the ‘ancient estate’? As for the Right, when the trees’ brocade is scattered, only then, indeed, can it be woven and made to flow along by a river. A long time ago there was a poem composed which, indeed, began, ‘The scarlet leaves in such confusion / Drift’ and then continued, ‘Were I to ford across, this brocade / Would be split in two, I’d say…’[1] Furthermore, what are we to make of ‘Tatsuta River’s / Loom into one’? There should be reference to a location which has some connection with looms, but to simply shoehorn in ‘Tatsuta River’s / Loom into one’ smacks of pleasing oneself. There is the earlier poem ‘Without a loom / Are brocade’,[2] too. The way in which this poem is constructed is charming, but these features are difficult to ignore, so thus the Left should win, I think.
[1] The poem is Kokinshū V: 283, with the headnote, ‘Topic unknown’. It is officially anonymous, but is accompanied by an endnote stating ‘It is said by some that this poem was composed by the Nara Emperor.’
[2] Topic unknown. から衣たつたの山のもみぢばははた物もなき錦なりけり karakoromo / Tatsuta no yama no / momijiba wa / hatamono mo naki / nishiki narikeri ‘A Cathay robe— / Tatsuta Mountain’s / Scarlet leaves, / Without a loom / Are brocade.’ Anonymous (GSS VII: 386)
shirakumo o kokoronashi to mo iihateji aki no tsuki oba kakusazarikeri
That clouds of white Lack sensitivity, Surely, one cannot say, for The autumn moon They have not hidden.
Suketaka 71
Right
わきてしもをしまざらまし照る月の秋より後もくまなかりせば
wakiteshi mo oshimazaramashi teru tsuki no aki yori nochi mo kumanakariseba
Not at all Would I regret The shining of the moon, if After autumn, too It were made unclouded…
The Lay Priest Master 72
The Left sounds as if, in autumn in general clouds did not trail across the moon. It really does put me in mind of the preface to the Ancient and Modern collection, where it says that Kisen’s poetry is like ‘gazing at the moon in autumn when, just before dawn, it is covered with cloud’! As for the Right, it sounds as if whatever the season the moon is dark after autumn, but there are plenty of poems where you can ‘indeed see the moon in autumn’, and thus this is like blowing on someone’s hair to find a scab! These both seem of about the same quality.
oshimikane akanu nagori no kurushiki ni iru made wa miji aki no yo no tsuki
Unbearable regret, Unending is a memento Most painful— I would not watch until it sets: The moon this autumn night.
Kenshō 69
Right
月影のかたぶくかたにさしいればやどのうちにも霜ぞ置きける
tsukigage no katabuku kata ni sashi’ireba yado no uchi ni mo shimo zo okikeru
The moonlight as It descends Shines in, so Within my lodging Frost, indeed, has fallen.
Lord Yorisuke 70
The Left, saying that the setting of the moon is a painful memento, and thus not watching it until the end seems excessively topsy-turvy. The Right, saying that the setting moon enters one’s lodging, is both pretentious and misses the point—surely it depends on the construction of the house! This shows know knowledge of how diction should be used, so the Left has to win.
kage kiyoku tsuki yokogiru ukigumo wa aki no na sae kegashitsuru kana
The pure light of The moon crossing go The drifting clouds— The very name of autumn Have they besmirched!
Arifusa 65
Right (Win)
照る月を浪のうへにてみる時ぞますみのかがみいる心ちする
teru tsuki o nami no ue nite miru toki zo masumi no kagami iru kokochisuru
The shining moon Rests atop the waves, and When I gaze upon it, Within the clearest of mirrors Does it lie, I feel.
Narinaka
66
What to make of the sound of the Left’s ‘besmirched the very name of autumn’? The Right does not seem to differ markedly from the conception of ‘Hundredfold Polished Mirror’[1] where it says that the moon ‘atop the waves’ is ‘all apiece with the autumn waters’ deeps’, does it. The Right should win.
[1] This is a reference to a poem by Bai Juyi, Bailianjing 百練鏡, contained in the Collected Works of Master Bai (Hakushi monjū 白氏文集), about a mirror which had been polished a hundred times. Kiyosuke quotes from the poem in his judgement, referring to the following passage: 江心波上舟中鋳 五月五日日午時 瓊粉金膏磨瑩已 化為一片秋潭水 jiangxinbo shang zhou zhong zhu / wu yue wu ri ri wushi / qiong fen jin gao mo ying yi / hua wei yipian qiu tan shui ‘In a boat atop the waves at the heart of the Yangtse / At noon on the 5th day of the Fifth Month / Polished with gemmed powdered seashells in golden oil / ‘Tis transformed and becomes all apiece with the autumn waters’ deeps.’
tsukikage o matsu to oshimu to aki no yo wa futatabi yama no ha koso tsurakere
Moonlight A’waiting brings regret On autumn nights— Twice the mountains’ Edge do I hate so!
Sadanaga 63
Right
吹きはらふ月のあたりの雲みれば春はいとひし風ぞうれしき
fukiharau tsuki no atari no kumo mireba haru wa itoishi kaze zo ureshiki
Blown away From round the moon The clouds I see, so Hated in spring The wind fills me with joy!
Koreyuki 64
The Right seems to be saying that clouds are blown away from round the moon, so it sounds as if the diction is reversed. Overall, it lacks soul. While the Left has an archaic conception, it should win.
ama tsu hoshi ari tomo mienu aki no yo no tsuki wa suzushiki hikari narikeri
Stars in the heavens Appear there to be none on An autumn night when The moon a cool Light sheds.
Kojijū 61
Right
さ夜ふくる空にきえゆく浮雲の名残もみえぬ秋のよの月
sayo fukuru sora ni kieyuku ukigumo no nagori mo mienu aki no yo no tsuki
As brief night wears on Vanishing from the skies are The drifting clouds, Leaving no keepsake for The moon this autumn night.
Moromitsu 62
The Left, in addition to suffering from the Tree-Bank fault,[1] compounds this by adding a further line so all the first three lines begin with the same sound. This has been noted as a fault in earlier poetry matches. The Right, too, mentions ‘night’ twice and this is a significant fault, but I am unable to grasp the sense of the Left’s poem, so it’s difficult to make a judgement between them.
[1]Ganjubyō 岸樹病 (‘Tree-Bank fault’): this was one of the four poetic faults identified in the poetic treatise Waka sakushiki 倭歌作式 (‘Code of Creation of Japanese Poetry’), attributed to Kisen 喜撰 (fl. 810-824), hence the treatise’s alternative title of Kisenshiki 喜撰式 (‘Kisen’s Selected Codes’). This attribution is widely believed to be spurious, however, and that the work was probably written in the mid-Heian period. Ganjubyō refers to beginning the first and second ‘lines’ of a waka with the same syllable, in this case ‘a’.
shiokaze no kumo fukiharau aki no yo wa tsuki sumiwataru ama no hashidate
The tidewinds Blow away the clouds On an autumn night The moon crossing clear above Ama-no-hashidate…
Tamechika 59
Right (Win)
あかざりし花にたとへてながむれば月は心ぞすみまさりける
akazarishi hana ni tatoete nagamureba tsuki wa kokoro zo sumimasarikeru
A never sating Blossom do I imagine it, When gazing at The moon, my heart is Most wonderfully clear.
Lord Yorimasa 60
The Left: it is not possible to determine where the wind is blowing, yet saying ‘the tidewinds blow the clouds away’ conveys a different impression. The Right’s use of ‘imagine’ is unsatisfactory as a piece of diction, but this is not a significant fault, so it should win, I think.
sayakesa ni mata kotogoto mo wasurarete futagokoro naku tsuki o koso mire
In its pure clarity Still, all other things Are forgotten, With no divisions in my heart Do I view the moon!
Lord Suetsune 57
Right (Win)
いかで猶秋しも月のかかりけむみるほどあらじ夏のよならば
ikade nao aki shimo tsuki no kakarikemu miru hodo araji natsu no yo naraba
Why is it that always In autumn, above all, the moon Does seem to hang within the sky? There’s no time to see it, perhaps, On a summer night…
Lay Priest Sanekiyo 58
The Left’s configuration is entirely lacking in consistency and, in addition, fails to indicate a clear conception, so the Right must be declared the winner.
